Kids & Parents ~ For Teens

Online Friending Etiquette 101

Creating a profile

The first question to ask yourself is “Why am I even here?” Friending… dating… networking… Figuring out why you want a site, and what you’ll use it for, will help you know how you want to manage your site. That being said, you should understand that putting yourself out on these sites means you will be found, sought out, or accidentally stumbled upon. Employers, college admissions officers, and family members are some of the people who could search you out and view your site, so think twice about what you post. Scantily clad women, grotesque but funny jokes, or explicit lyrics are all things you may not want associated with yourself in the world beyond your peers.

Finding friends

The entire idea of the site is to be able to search out and meet people through other friends’ or acquaintances. The whole six degrees idea applies: you might make friends through your friends’ friends. So, no, you’re not a stalker when you search for someone you know through the site. Should you find someone you would like to befriend, send him or her a friend request. If you so choose, you can send a message along with the request as well, which is a nice way to let the person know who you are, and why you want to be their friend.

Approving and denying friends

Yay! Someone wants to be your friend! Now the question is, “Who are they?” If this is someone you know (and you wish to), by all means accept them. If you are unsure of who they are, opt to send them a message asking how they know you, or why they are interested in you, and know that this is perfectly acceptable to do. Depending on how you feel about the response, you can choose to accept or deny their request.

Denying is perfectly acceptable to do. When you are denying a stranger, you don’t need to send a message with your denial, but you can if you want to. Saying something like “I’m sorry, I only use this site for people I know” is perfectly acceptable.

Denying someone you know could potentially be problematic. While you don’t need to send an explanation, common courtesy suggests otherwise. For example, “I’m sorry Sally, I’m so glad you want to be my friend, however I make it a rule for myself that I don’t put coworkers up on my site. I hope you can understand.” Whatever your reason, understand that this might cause issues in your off-line relationship with this person.

The famous ‘Top 8’

The ‘Top 8’ are eight of your many friends who appear on your profile, as opposed to being sought after in a friend file. Often Top 8s get switched around and this is nothing to be offended by. If your best friend just created a profile and you’d like to add her to your Top 8, chances are you’re going to have to remove someone else, which brings us to the etiquette surrounding Top 8. Do I have to explain removing someone from my Top 8? Answer: No. You don’t need to give any explanation; people just need to understand that Top 8 is just something fun, it changes and it doesn’t mean that you are no longer a favored friend. It’s not something to be offended by. If you have hurt someone’s feelings, send them a quick message, letting them know not to take it personally.

Communicating with your network of friends

On all these sites, you have the opportunity to interact with your friends, view their sites, post comments about their photos, and send them messages. The biggest “bear in mind” is that what you put out there can be viewed or manipulated. Even a message which, like an e-mail, won’t get posted on your friend’s site, can still be copied and pasted or forwarded. That being said, posting “Happy Birthday,” sending invites, making plans, and catching up are all appropriate ways to communicate with your network of friends.

Dealing with the content of friends’ sites

Technically on friending sites, you are not supposed to post any photos, forwards, emails, or documents without permission from the people involved, but beware, there isn’t anything stopping others from posting such things on their sites. If your friend posts something that involves you that you’re uncomfortable with, politely request that they remove it. “Hey Jim, some of my coworkers are in my network of friends, I’d appreciate it if you took down the picture of us from 10th Street bar Friday night. Thanks for understanding.”

“De-Friending”

You may find a time when it is necessary to de-friend – your list is too big, you’ve had a falling-out/break-up, or someone has been harassing or bothering you. Similarly to denying a friend, it is up to you whether to send a message or not. If you choose to send a message, there’s no reason to be nasty, or to get too detailed, just simply state your reasoning, and that you hope the other party can understand.

Top 3 “Report Its” for MySpace.com®

1. If someone has posted a false profile
2. If someone has been harassing, threatening, or bugging you
3. If someone has messed with your page

Top 3 MySpace.com® Safety Tips

1. Never give out personal information, such as address or phone number
2. Be wary in accepting people you don’t know
3. Remember that people aren’t always who they say they are

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