What Would Emily Do (WWED)?

“Best Question” Archive 2003

For the week of December 22, 2003

Q. If you've only been dating someone a short while, how do you decide how extravagant to be with your holiday gift?

A. The amount you spend on the gift should be based on your affection for the person and your budget. Anything too expensive or extravagant may send a message about the seriousness of the relationship—and neither one of you may be quite ready for that yet. Don’t let something like a holiday gift get in the way of a new relationship. There’s no downside to keeping things simple.

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For the week of December 15, 2003

Q. I am having vegetarian friends for a holiday dinner. Do I alter the entire menu or just have one or two dishes for them?

A. It depends on the size of your celebration. If your vegetarian friends are the only guests, you’ll want to be sure they can enjoy most of what you’re serving. If they’ll be part of a larger crowd, it isn’t necessary to alter the entire menu. Serve enough vegetarian dishes so that they don’t leave the table hungry. Often people on restrictive diets come prepared, so, if they offer to bring a dish to share, let them.

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For the week of December 8, 2003

Q. I have a lot of non-Christian friends, is it rude to send them cards, even if they are nondenominational?

A. No, as long as you chose the right kind of card. Cards that offer the message “Seasons Greetings”—with no religious figures, messages or symbols on it—are appropriate for a wide range of friends and acquaintances, regardless of their religious preference.

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For the week of December 1, 2003

Q. What do I do if someone gives me a gift and I don’t have one for them?

A. Don’t panic. The first and most important thing to do is enthusiastically thank the person for the gift. Then, you’ve got a choice to make—you can get the person a gift or not. It’s fine to thank the person and leave it at that. If you decide to give a gift, you’ll likely establish a gift-giving tradition with this person and you may not want to go that route. Another alternative is to have some nice gifts on “stand by” for this type of situation. Just make sure that your stand by gifts aren’t too generic.

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For the week of November 24, 2003

Q. Can you tell me the correct salutation on a letter to a husband and wife, where the wife is a doctor, but the husband is not?

A. You could write to Dr. Joan and Mr. John White (or vice versa—either name may be first). For the salutation, you could write Dear Dr. and Mr. White.

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For the week of November 17, 2003

Q. My niece just got engaged and they are having an engagement party. Is a gift required? If so, what kind of gift as there will be a bridal shower and a wedding in the near future.

A. Engagement parties should not be about gifts. They are held to either announce or celebrate the engagement in the company of close friends and family. You may give a gift, but you would do so at another time.

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For the week of November 10, 2003

Q. If you are invited to someone's house for a meal and you bring a food gift—candies, cake, wine, etc.—should the hostess serve the item you brought at the meal?

A. No, your gift is for the hostess to enjoy another time. unless you offer and/or are asked to bring something for the meal, you never take something you expect to have served with her carefully planned menu.

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For the week of November 3, 2003

Q. I use a pet sitter 2-3 times per year—where the cats stay with the sitter if I'm gone for over a week or she comes to my house if I'm only away for a few days. I normally pay her regular rate and give her a bonus at Christmas that is about 15-20% of the years charges. Should I also be tipping her each time? This is a side business for her, not her regular job.

A. Your practice of paying her her regular rate plus a bonus at Christmas time is fine, assuming she is charging a fair rate. There should be no need to add a tip.