Hostesses report that in response to a dinner invitation, guests call and inquire about the menu. They inform their hostess that they are vegetarian, or macrobiotic or that they really don't like fish. Should a hostess be expected to provide for all her guests' special dietary requests?

Yes: 49.6% (605 out of 1219)
No: 50.4% (614 out of 1219)

Our poll respondents were split practically 50/50 on whether a hostess was obligated to cater to her guests dietary requests.

Those who answered 'no' considered it rude for a guest to even inquire about the menu unless there was a serious allergy involved. They reminded us "inviting someone to your home is not inviting them to a restaurant." This group offered many examples on how to cope with the situation. If it was a serious concern involving breaking dietary commitment, they suggested declining the invitation and offering an alternative meeting. If it was a matter of avoiding certain foods, they suggested having an early snack and then eating the part of the meal that was OK. The vegetarian guest or one with multiple food allergies could also offer to bring a dish that would complement the meal.

It was interesting to note that an equal number of respondents thought that it was the host's responsibility to provide for all his guests special requests. "Guests should not have to conform to a limited menu selection." "Whenever anyone invites people for a dinner, the hostess should be able to cater for their needs.each one of them." "It is poor etiquette if the hostess cannot provide for her guest." "If you invite someone to your home, you must accommodate them."

We believe there is merit to both sides of the issue. The fundamentals of a good dinner party are: congenial guests, a well-planned menu suited to guests' tastes, an attractive table, well-prepared food and gracious, cordial, welcoming hosts. Every host and hostess, particularly when entertaining friends and acquaintances of different cultures or religions, should be cognizant of some very specific dietary laws and food taboos. Out of courtesy and respect to these guests, a host should be prepared to serve a meal following those particular guidelines, especially if it is a small, intimate dinner. At a small dinner, it is the wise host who enquires if his guests have any particular allergies that he should be aware of when preparing the menu. Nothing is more disheartening to a host or hostess (who, nowadays, is probably also the chef) than to prepare and serve a meal that guests cannot eat.

As a guest, if you are invited to a large or formal dinner party or to a buffet meal, it is more than likely that there will be a variety of foods served so you should be able to choose those that meet your requirements. However, if there is a preparation ingredient, such as peanut oil, nuts or wheat, to which you might suffer an adverse reaction, it is not impolite to quietly ask your hostess if a dish has been prepared with whatever you are allergic to.

When accepting an invitation to a small dinner party, it is a good idea to mention that you have a food allergy, or that you have other dietary restrictions. "I would love to come, but I'm deathly allergic to eggs." Most hosts and hostesses are more than willing to work around or with a guest's restrictions, especially when they know ahead of time. It is also a kind guest who lets his host off the hook by offering to bring a dish prepared according to his restrictions, if that is OK with the host.

However, it is never polite to convey your dislikes to your hostess. After all, you are being invited for your company and you should have faith that your host or hostess will have your comfort and pleasure in mind when planning the evening. So, if you are a finicky eater, start working on expanding your taste-bud repertoire! Remember when your Mom made you eat at least a "no thank-you" helping of peas (beets, broccoli?) She was just training you for that all-important day when it showed up on your plate at a White House dinner.

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