There is a trend toward giving a favor or gift to each guest attending a wedding. Do you think this is a good development?

Yes: 53% (594 out of 1,127)
No: 47% (533 out of 1,127)

Our poll asking if table favors should be given to wedding guests received 1,127 responses. 53% (594) thought it was a nice idea and 47% (533) thought it was unnecessary.

Those who supported the idea thought it was a nice way of saying "Thank you for sharing our special day with us." Most did mention that they thought the gift should be something small, useful or inexpensive.

Giving wedding guests a small gift is a tradition in many countries. For example, in Italy, it is traditional to give sugared almonds. In many countries, the gift is a delicacy or special treat prepared by the bride and her family for the guests to take home. A writer from South America informed us "Usually someone in the bride's family helps with creating or putting together the favors. For example, engraved bells, small frames or bud vases. Usually the favors are inexpensive and personalized. Some members of my family are excellent cooks and they make special treats for the guests to take home. Every Central and South American country has a "specialty" treat that is just made for weddings."

At American weddings there is an old tradition, adopted from Europe, of giving guests a slice of "Groom's Cake," a specially baked fruitcake. Guests were given a slice to take home and, legend has it, a young lady would put the cake under her pillow and dream of her future husband. Since this could be pretty messy, caterers began supplying small white boxes tied with a white ribbon for the cake.

Today, favors run the gamut from printed matchbooks to sterling pens and Limoges boxes. Some favor ideas mentioned by our readers were: a photo of the couple in a small frame, a charitable donation in the guests' names, bubbles, votive candle, or tiny, personalized bottle of wine or champagne One Canadian bride-to-be, a baker by profession, gave her guests a maple leaf cookie cutter and one of her favorite cookie recipes.

Those who did not like the idea REALLY didn't like the idea, according to their comments. The most common remark was that favors were an unnecessary, superfluous expense and an added burden for the bride. "Weddings are expensive enough - why put more of a financial burden on people? The guests are getting the opportunity to join you on your special day and a meal, drinks and entertainment, there is no need to give them something they will most likely toss in the garbage shortly after the reception, if they remember to take it with them at all." "Memories and pictures are enough." Others wrote that it seemed to fuel the fire of "one-upsman-ship," that "you have to outdo your fellow brides by giving the best, most expensive, most elaborate, creative gift." "The expense involved in wedding etiquette had reached the point that people can't financially afford it, and from a sense of 'guilt' may sometimes purchase things to comply, when they are really in no position to afford it."

Aside from the expense, many people objected because they felt that weddings today were far more focused on the party and the gifts than on the spiritual union of two people. Several people perceived this trend as "tacky" and an example of "nouveau etiquette." Retailers of favors, companies that also sell pens, key rings and mugs as commercial promotional premiums, have created a whole new market for themselves. They pressure brides-to-be into buying favors by touting them as a requirement for a proper reception. Nothing could be further from the truth. Favors are not a "quid pro quo."

There seems to be some confusion between wedding customs - such as giving favors - and wedding etiquette - such as the wording of an invitation or the seating order in the church. Comprehensive wedding guides aim to cover all the bases of wedding custom, both social and religious, but no one is expected to include all of them in their wedding.

So, to put it in perspective, wedding favors are a charming custom but are in no way required or expected. Don't let a retailer pressure you into an unnecessary expense. If giving favors is meaningful to your family heritage and if it is not adding a financial burden to what the bride's family is already providing, by all means go ahead. After all, its your wedding!

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