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Return to Nesters Hero Label

Return to Nesters

Sometimes that empty nest fills up again. Children graduate from college, change jobs, break up with a significant other, or move back to town. They have nowhere to go except the one place that always holds a welcome—home. However, things have changed. The kids are now adults in their own right; the parents have adjusted to a new, childless lifestyle. While on their own, the kids have established their own "house rules" and ways of doing things. But back home, doesn't Mom still deal with the grocery list and Dad pay the electric bill? There's much to learn about living together again, and it can be a rocky road until new ground rules are negotiated. Some basic etiquette skills and good communication can help. Here are the top issues that should be discussed, preferably prior to the "return to the nest":

Schedules. Both adult children and parents are used to coming and going as they please. They should let each other know of any schedule changes that will affect the other.
Guests. They should let each other know when they're planning to have guests over so everyone is aware the shared living spaces may be tied up. Set up a procedure for dealing with schedule conflicts. Agree in advance if overnight guests are permitted.
Responsibilities. Have a respectful but candid discussion about household chores and financial contributions. If the back-to-the-nester is short on funds, she may run errands, provide lawn care, cook, clean, or do laundry to help out. If rent is being paid (a good idea if possible), agree on a due date.
Food. Agree on fridge rules—what's available to be eaten and what's off-limits.
Quiet times. A note to parents: You may still work 9:00 AM to 5:00PM and sleep from 10:00PM to 6:00 AM, but your daughter's waitressing job may be from 6:00 PM to midnight and her sleep hours 3:00 AM to 11:00 AM. You'll both require peace and quiet time.
Messages. Even if they seem trivial to one person, messages may be important to another. Whatever the message, it should be legible and left where it's easily seen.
Respect shared spaces. Bathrooms, living or family rooms, and kitchens are everyone's responsibility. Clean up after yourself and leave spaces as neat as you would expect to find them.
Privacy. Closed doors should be respected. Knock before entering. Mail, journals, and computer files should be treated as private.
Respect other's belongings. Don't "borrow" without asking. If you break something that belongs to someone else, be prepared to replace it.