Hosting Gifts

The hosting gift is given by a guest to a host as a token of appreciation for hosting. It is always something small and easy for the host to receive while managing the greeting of guests and the flow of the party. Small entertaining items like little bowls, cutting boards, and platters are all great ideas, as are cocktail napkins, and other entertaining supplies that are fun and a step up from everyday (Red Solo Cups and toothpicks you don’t quite cut the mustard here.) Picture frames, candles, consumables like wine, Champagne, chocolates, jams, jellies, and spreads are all great ideas as well - just don’t expect your host to serve them; it’s up to the host to decide. Potted plants are lovely if there’s something to view, and a bouquet is a classic, but best brought in a vase (or mason jar) when possible.

There is a theory that this gift is given to acknowledge the burden that hosting places on a host. But we disagree. A good host never considers their guests a burden; they invite them willingly with the intent of creating a relaxing and enjoyable atmosphere and event, whether it’s a birthday, anniversary, dinner party, or a casual cup of coffee.

It is very common among close friends who frequently entertain each other to forego the hosting gift altogether or to save it for special occasions.

Interestingly, in Emily Post’s 1938 radio show The Right Thing To Do, she is asked about bringing flowers, chocolate, or wine to a dinner, and Emily scoffs at the question, saying that the asker should not insult their host by thinking the host’s hospitality needs bribing. Certainly a surprising answer given the frequency of hosting gifts today. However, it supports the idea that your gift is truly that —a gift, not a bribe or something to even the scales, whether that scale measures effort or cost.

A final thought on hosting gifts in general: your gift should always be within your means. No one has to break their budget for a hosting gift.

A Hosting Gift as a Thank You

With the above in mind, we do recommend bringing a small gift the first time you visit someone’s home as a gesture of appreciation for being welcomed into their home. And anytime you stay over at someone’s house, as long as they aren’t an immediate family member, though you’re welcome to give them a gift too!

What to Bring When…

Here are some thoughts on what to bring for certain occasions.

…You’re Invited to a Casual Dinner

While guests don’t have to bring a hosting gift to dinner, and casual dinners especially don’t warrant a hosting gift, guests will often offer to bring something to contribute to the meal or entertainment.

…You’re Invited to a Dinner

When it’s not just a casual pizza night, dinner party guests often bring a hostess gift unless they are close friends who dine together frequently.

…You’re Invited to a Formal Dinner

Gifts aren’t usually taken to large, formal dinners, especially if you don’t know the host well.

…There’s a Guest of Honor

If it’s a big/special birthday, anniversary, graduation, or shower, bring a gift for the honoree unless you’ve been instructed otherwise. Adult birthday parties typically don’t require gifts, but cards are always appreciated. If you don’t know the guest of honor, bring a card.

…When You’re The Guest of Honor

Bring a gift for your host, or consider sending flowers in advance of the party. After the party, send a handwritten thank-you note (by you, not a robot note service).

…You’re Invited to a Housewarming Party

The housewarming party’s point is to warm the house with the presence of people you know and your new neighbors. If guests bring gifts, that’s lovely, but it’s not required, nor should the host(s) set up a registry or post a wish list. If guests ask about what you might like, it’s okay to list a few things, but this isn’t like a shower, or kid's birthday party where gifts are an automatic part of the party.

Possible gifts you might give if you’d like to include guest towels, a houseplant, a patio or garden plant, glasses, dish towels, a picture frame, specialty foods like a great olive oil or preserves, or a cheeseboard and/or cheese knives. If the housewarming is for a neighbor new to your town, consider putting together a welcome kit containing the town paper, restaurant menus, bookmarks from your favorite bookstore, transportation schedules, and information on local parks and recreation facilities- anything that will make it easier for them to feel welcome and at home in their new community.

…You’re a Houseguest for a Weekend Stay

Either bring or send a gift. You could also take your hosts out to dinner while you stay with them, if the opportunity arises. Your gift of choice will depend on the length of your stay and the level of entertainment you receive from your host. Your gift should be sincere, thoughtful, and personal, and should be accompanied by a handwritten thank-you note.

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 Emily Post Etiquette.