Tips for a Happy Thanksgiving

We can’t offer you a turkey hotline, but we can help you be your best whether you’re hosting or a guest this Thanksgiving. Here are some classic tips for hosts and guests (even if that's just within your household) to help make your Thanksgiving both happy and memorable.

As a Guest

• RSVP. Let your host know right away if you can come or not. If you received a "family" invitation, let the host know how many from your family can come. Don’t show up with uninvited guests. There is usually room for one more at Thanksgiving, but this is something you must discuss with your host ahead of time, not just spring on them at the doorstep.
• Offer to contribute to the meal – but don't dictate the menu. Your best bet is to make your offer open-ended and follow your host's direction. “Aunt Sara, what would be helpful to bring this year?” If you have special dietary needs, it's gracious to offer to bring a dish that meets your needs. "Jenn and I would love to come to Thanksgiving this year! We are gluten-free – may I offer to bring a dish or two that works for us?"
• Dress appropriately. For many, a holiday is a chance to dress up a little and do something a bit more special than the everyday. If you know your hosts dress up a bit for this holiday, it’s a safe bet you should, too. If you’re not sure, a sign of consideration would be to dress at least one notch up from your everyday attire. Something that signifies a little effort or intention. Remember, you can always ask your hosts - and if they end up saying, “It’s elastic waistbands and fuzzy slippers all day!” break out your fuzzy slippers and enjoy a cozy Thanksgiving day.
• Arrive on time. Yes, it is a day of feasting, but that turkey is going to be done at some point, and your hosts are trying to plan around that magic moment. If you arrive late, it's best to apologize and not expect anyone to have waited for you.
• Put your cell phone away at the dinner table. You can check texts, scores, and TikTok after the meal. If your host has offered a moment to take pictures, go for it, and then put your phone away for the rest of the meal.
• Throughout the day, it's best to avoid controversial or painful topics. It's not that debate or sharing of different opinions isn't a good thing, but the chance for arguing instead of debating or hurt feelings instead of sharing ideas is too risky for the goal of the holiday. This is a day to be together in a spirit of appreciation for one another and all that we have and share. Let that theme shine throughout the mood and conversation, and save harder topics for another time.
• Offer to help. Whether throughout the day (passing hors d’oeuvres, filling drinks, helping in the kitchen…) or after the meal, offering to help is thoughtful, even if it’s not required or expected by any host. Family or non-family, because this meal is often large and has a community spirit, this is one day when it is a great idea to pitch in.
• Say, thank you. Both as you leave and a phone call or, better yet, a hand-written note of thanks to your hosts shows your appreciation for all their hard work and what an impact it had.

As a Host

• Extend the invitation at least a month in advance, longer for those who might be traveling. If out-of-town guests are staying with you, set a beginning and an end for the visit. Three days is usually the standard.
• Be as accommodating as possible to 'extras.' "John and I would love to come, but our friend Tanya will be spending Thanksgiving alone – is it possible to include her?" If you have the room, of course, they should bring Tanya! Be creative – fit in as many as possible. This is a celebration that encourages inclusion.
• Have a flexible menu plan. Because Thanksgiving is a bit of a potluck affair, be prepared to be "coordination central." Accept all offers for special diet accommodations.
• Review the guest list with everyone in your household. Cluing your immediate family in on who will be sharing Thanksgiving with you can help set the tone for the day. If little Joey greets Great-aunt Miriam with a big smile and a "Hi, Aunt Miriam," just imagine how welcome she will feel.
• Assign tasks. Everything from greeting guests and taking coats to lighting candles, setting the table, filling water glasses, and helping in the kitchen or with hors d’oeuvres, there are all kinds of tasks that you can easily sign to your guests that will make hosting this big gathering all the easier.
• Take a tip from the airlines: serve and seat young children and the elderly first.
• When needed, employ FHB: an acronym to be whispered to immediate family ONLY! FHB means "Family Hold Back." If there is a critical shortage of a main food item, discretely letting close family or household members know to hold back on certain items and make sure that all the guests have gotten a full portion is a smart move.
• Say thank you to your guests. Both in a toast and on their way out the door, thank everyone who participated in the planning, cooking, and cleaning up. And, of course, thank your guests for coming.