Episode 14: The Art of ‘Please’
Speaker 1: Maybe it's just that you don't know how to use social courtesy. That's old fashioned.
Speaker 1: Watch. How is he? Post and damn Post Actors, host and hostess.
Speaker 1: They know that courtesy means showing respect, thinking of the other person. Really? Friendliness.
Speaker 1: We're here. You're here, and that's awesome. You're listening toe awesome etiquette, which is shouted to the sky while jumping up and down Proud to be part of the infinite guest network from American Public Media. I'm Lizzie Post,
Speaker 2: and I'm Dan Post sending from the Emily Post Institute.
Speaker 1: Dan, can we please talk about please? Okay, because I've noticed something and, I don't know, maybe it's just me. Maybe I'm being too sensitive. You can. Maybe I've had too much turkey. I don't know. You can let me know, but I have noticed that. Okay, Obviously you can You can say please. Two different. Could you please do that? That doesn't sound very nice, but, you know, Dan, could you please maybe get me a cup of coffee like yeah, right. Like that's a little nicer. But when eso when someone says, please, 99% of the time, it comes out great and it makes me feel good to hear it, that sort of thing, all the stuff that we teach and preach. But I've noticed that when I get a text message or an email that says Please in it that I automatically defer it to a negative, please. So, like if someone texts me like, you know,
Speaker 1: could you take care of this, please? The please comes out like please when I read it now that's me interpreting it. It's not them writing it. I have no way of knowing what they actually intended with the word please when they wrote it. But it's driving me nuts. Why has my magic word become not magic in my head?
Speaker 1: I wish I knew. I wish I had a
Speaker 2: good answer for you know, And it's but I I particularly like the way you're approaching. It's a question of tone, and oftentimes we say, sprinkling your communication, particularly written communication with pleases and thank you's is a good way toe to give it a more positive tone, toe turn demands and asks or requests Thio so acknowledge appreciation and show thanks. At the same time, what happens when a relationship has deteriorated a little bit, or you don't even have this standing to say please, and that's a really tough question. And
Speaker 1: I think if you don't have the standing to say, Please tell me about that I don't understand that.
Speaker 2: Where if someone, if you were to say please, someone's gonna think it's disingenuous. Okay, so
Speaker 1: what I'm experiencing right now
Speaker 2: sincere, okay, and and, boy, that could that could be tough. I think that to me, it's an indication that maybe the relationship involved needs a little repairing. Or there's a version
Speaker 1: of this
Speaker 2: question that I've heard in the business world where someone will say, You know, it just sounds disingenuous to me when I write it. I don't wanna put please in my professional emails, and I think it's a valid question. I oftentimes challenge that person to say is please something that you would never say in in in person. In real life, if you were face to face with someone, would it surprise them to hear, please or thank you from you? And if that's the case, if it's going to come across in your written communication is insincere. I think you've got a little work to do because I want those tools at my disposal and I think most people do, but yeah, but you raise for me, which is one of the you raised one of the most fascinating questions, which is the where is the magic in a magic word. And it really does come from your intention, your sincerity, the degree to which you're believable as someone who is
Speaker 1: kind heart we never talk about is that it also comes in the receiving interpretation like it's the recipients. It's how that person is going to hear it, because I have, I mean, these air people I have decent relationships with, you know, this is not like my my biggest enemy in the world, you know, on I'm interpreting there, um, being so careful with my pronouns on this one I'm interpreting there, um, there pleases as negative and as, like, disingenuous and patronizing or just like, you know, you know, when you get that feeling like someone put, please into it just to be polite. But you're like, yeah, that's still what you're asking or the way you're asking. It still isn't the please doesn't make it polite. It really isn't how you say it. And in making it sound believable because if you rattle off 10 dramatic things and then and then end it with a please or start it with a please, I don't know, I kind of feel like maybe that request the please doesn't give it the sincerity or the ease that it could. I think you're on to
Speaker 2: something I think you're And as is often the case, you're answering your own question the best. And that's the rest of the message. Does matter that the please alone isn't gonna fix. It s so it's not just your intention, their intention. It's also the thing itself. Um, you know, I really I want you to give me everything that you own, please.
Speaker 1: Extreme example. But a good example. Well, I will work on not being so judgmental with my interpretations, but I will ask for all of our wonderful listeners out there to please be careful with your please and make sure you are truly using it nicely way. Get to some questions.
Speaker 2: I think we should
Speaker 1: wait. There's so much to learn. How todo Sure, there's a lot to learn, but it's worth it on. Learning is easy. One way is by watching others on every episode of awesome etiquette. We take your questions on how to behave. And one trend that we're starting to hear from our listeners, which I think is so much fun, is that they're starting to guess at answers before we actually answer them to see if they then get them right. And I just We had a listener right in about that, and it both cracked me up and delighted me. I was really psyched to hear that. So let's take
Speaker 2: a wedding question. Pat wants to know. Can
Speaker 1: you ask
Speaker 2: for gift cards and money for wedding gifts? If you are wanting to buy a house,
Speaker 1: we have a pretty quick answer for you, Pat. Yes, you can. You just want to spread the word and remember to register for some gifts, because some people really do like to give an actual gifted a wedding. Um, it's just their personal style. So register for stuff you really want register for stuff that would be, you know, fairly easy. Maybe it's a set of sheets. Maybe it's, you know, a nice vase or beautiful bowl, something like that that you know you'll use, regardless of how you wind up decorating your house or regardless of what house you move into. But it is. We've seen people do it a lot. When they have destination weddings, they register for gift cards. Um, we see people registered for it when they are moving, like having the wedding in one location, and then they're moving to another town very shortly after the wedding. That way, they could basically just bring gift cards down with them and purchase stuff in their new town and not have to worry about shipping a bunch of things. So, yes, you absolutely can.
Speaker 2: So that in the idea here with with that registry, is to pick a range of gifts because you don't wanna that you don't wanna be appearing to give too much direction, toe other people about what they're going to give you want to give them some options? You wanna have some some low range or some some options on the low end of the range, and some options on the medium and high end also. So
Speaker 1: So if you do register for gift cards, just remember to select different varying amounts or select a service that allows people
Speaker 2: to choose their own amount. Good tip. And congratulations. Good luck with the rest of the planning.
Speaker 1: Okay, this is from an anonymous listener. But she writes, my sister in law takes pictures at family events, but she always gets me in a position when my mouth is full. I would like to smile, but I can't. How can I handle this situation?
Speaker 1: I'm going to
Speaker 2: suggest that when she comes by with the camera, you just hold your hand up in that universal finger in the air. Wait a second, please. And if you get that finger in front of your face between the camera and
Speaker 1: you, it's gonna be
Speaker 2: a pretty clear sign, and and that picture is probably going to be held. Um, you can also put your hand in front of your mouth just toe to show that you're still chewing a little something. Um, and then even if the picture does get taken, your covered. But most likely, she's not gonna want to take the picture. And she's gonna wait just a second till you finish and give her that flashing winning smile. We know you're so famous,
Speaker 1: and I gotta say, the people around you should be encouraging her to wait too. I mean, I've never been a part of a group photo where the other people in the photo like, Oh, yeah, I just take it. She's chewing. Still, it'll be great. Although don't turn into
Speaker 2: my father and sit there. OK, everybody smile. Alright, alright. I'm about
Speaker 1: to take the picture. Okay. The pictures come in any second
Speaker 2: now, In some ways there's a certain mercy to taking a picture quickly and letting people move on. But definitely if you see that universal gesture photographers out there
Speaker 1: Yeah, so we hope that that helps and hopefully we'll have some good good pictures this holiday season.
Speaker 2: Our next question has to do with timeliness. Anonymous writes. My best friend is almost never on time. This is especially frustrating when I cut into my work time for a coffee date and end up waiting for 30 minutes. Then feel that I am the one who was rude When I need to get going after a short while the way it also puts me in a bad mood which has a negative effect on our conversation. I have tried being clear about the window of time I'm available, but that doesn't seem to be enough to get her out of the door on time. Is there a way to address this, or should I stop scheduling dates with her?
Speaker 1: So with this kind of a thing, we all deal with this from time to time. And this used to be something that would get me really riled up. And now I don't even flinch at it because I've learned to start thinking about what I can control. So things that things that you could possibly control in this situation are to not schedule time with her when your work. So don't try to schedule it when you have something else coming up afterwards. Um, you know, plan for the weekend or a night after work when you don't have anything going on, Um, it helps remove the pressure, and so you can probably relax into if she's going to be late. She's gonna be if she's just consistently. There's some people who they run half a hour behind, no matter what, and either you can plan on that and know that when you say come over eight, she'll probably come over at 8 30 or know that when you plan a reservation at a restaurant, you can tell her eight, but you can book it for 8 39 times out of 10. I bet she'll show up at that 8 30 every now and again she'll show up at eight and go, Oh, what's going on? But that's okay. But I would also think about in your own head. How can you turn this positive for yourself? Um, I used to know someone who was chronically late, and I would just be like, You know what? This just gave me an extra hour to do the dishes or it just gave me time to play Frisbee with Benny, or it gave me more time to get ready. It was like, You know, I found ways to make it work for me rather than against me, and I think that that really, really helped me out. But
Speaker 1: I also think you could talk to her about it, like, what would you say? You know, it's
Speaker 2: I love the way you started the question, talking about what's in your control because in so many ways, being late is controlling behavior, and it is something that if it happens chronically and keeps happening, is something that you might want to address to save the relationship or for the sake of the friendship.
Speaker 1: So how would you address it like,
Speaker 2: what would you say carefully, Um, I would I would say, You know, there's something I wanna talk to you about that I've noticed and it's starting to impact our relationship or the way that I plan to get together with you and you talk about your concerns. You talk about how it's impacting or affecting you that when we make a date and I've got a half hour and
Speaker 2: you're not there till 20 minutes after the time we agreed that I only have 10 minutes toe to spend with you, and I'm worried about what I'm gonna do next, and I feel like we're short on time, and then I can enjoy myself a much, and I'd love to figure out a way that we can plan to meet a times when we can both be there on time or
Speaker 1: when it's not gonna matter if you're
Speaker 2: happy when it's not gonna matter.
Speaker 1: Our next question is in regards to thank you notes. When a birthday and Christmas are close together, Stacy writes. My daughter's birthday is in November, with Christmas being in the next month. Is it okay to combine a thank you note for a birthday and a Christmas gift in tow? One card. My daughter just now turned one. So the card writing is up to me for now along the same lines. Would it be okay to defer the thank you cards until she's at the appropriate age to write her own with letting a verbal? Thank you. Suffice. I'm thinking mostly of grand parents, that we consider that we would consider for this verbal. Thank you. I am enjoying the podcast but almost hate to listen as I know I'll have to wait a week to hear a new 10 I like that. Although you might not like our answer, Stacy, you definitely need to write a thank you note for each, and you can't defer for a number of years until she's old enough to write her own. I'm sorry, but that's just not okay. In the world of particularly
Speaker 2: the splitting of the birthday in the Christmas card, we've talked about the baby dispensation on the thank You know, some people do the really sweet handprint or have the have the child when they can't even just scribble something. You hold the pen in their hand and scribbles something on a note that you wrote. But, um, just because someone has the great misfortune of having their birthday close to a major holiday, we don't We don't want a short circuit there. They're full celebration and experience of that birthday. You definitely wanna honor it and treat them a separate events.
Speaker 1: Well, you want to treat them a separate events, but you also want to treat the person giving gifts. You want to respect the separate events. So, for instance, I don't wanna wait until Christmas when she receives her Christmas gift to receive my thank you note for a gift I sent in November. I'm gonna be wondering all November. Did she get the gift or not? You know, I think it's actually really important that you you send those thank you notes promptly. That way, people do know that the gift was received and appreciated. Um, and that's something that you can you can teach her as she's growing up, and it's going to be a great skill that she has and has internalized. And then she's done for, like the rest of the year. Think about it, November not. And in December, the only time she really has to write him. Maybe a graduation gift every now and again.
Speaker 2: Well, there's a silver lining, and hopefully that that last till next
Speaker 1: week.
Speaker 1: All right, Judy has
Speaker 2: a question about hostess gifts. When you aren't visiting someone's home, my husband and I are invited to dinner at a restaurant, Mexican and very casual, owned by the parents of our son's girlfriend. What, if anything, would be appropriate to bring? I have met with Step Mom Onley once at Costco. The dad and I have seen each other on a few occasions, so they're not close acquaintances. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Oh, I'd suggest bringing something like flowers. You know, its's your dining at a restaurant. I think bringing food would be a bit strange. Like typically we say, you know, bring some bread, bring a bottle line, bring a box of chocolates. But you're at their restaurant. They're gonna have food. They probably really they they've invited you there, so I say, bring flowers in a vase um, those are always, you know, a sign of friendliness and welcome and goodwill. A bouquet would also work just fine.
Speaker 2: Cut flowers are so nice. And I like how you mentioned bringing a little vase, particularly if you're going somewhere where there might not be something obvious or right at hand. Although at a restaurant they're probably gonna have something to put flowers
Speaker 1: and also at a restaurant. I could also see it because you're not going to someone's home. I could see a bouquet without the vase being like some people worry about not bringing a vase. The idea behind it is that you create more work for your hostess if you bring a bouquet that they then have to put into a vase. But I think that in this circumstance, because they're at a restaurant, they're gonna be bringing the flowers home, that it would be okay to bring a bouquet, and that would be just fine. But enjoy. I hope it's a wonderful dinner. Indeed. Our next question comes from law, and she writes, a shower is planned and there has been a death in the family. The party is being canceled. What do we do about the gift.
Speaker 2: Um, sorry to hear that. And I'd like to start by offering condolences. Um, this could be a tricky situation. There's also a bit of an opportunity here. I don't think that you need to cancel the shower completely. You definitely want to think about postponing it, putting it off for a later date. But, ah,
Speaker 2: these. These types of, ah, celebratory gatherings can be real opportunities for families to get together when there's been when there's been a death in the family. When when people are experiencing loss and are grieving, um, it can really be helpful to be in the company of others. It's such a
Speaker 1: great reminder that life does go on, new life is being created, and the bonds that you have as a family are what keep you going when you've lost someone really important to you. And I mean, I actually think this is such a great opportunity for this family to take a little bit of time. You know, showers don't have to be before the baby's born, so if you're worried about that postponed until after the birth, that, um, but this would be a great way for your family to get together and celebrate and just have people hold off on their gifts that you know, if they've sent them, you can always wait. Typically, you don't send gifts to a shower. But if anybody has, you could just wait to open them when you actually have the event
Speaker 2: and definitely get get word to people as soon as possible about the schedule and make that part of the message. When you when you let people know that it has been postponed Maybe, um, use the language of postponed instead of canceled.
Speaker 1: We hope that you have a wonderful shower and we are truly sorry for your loss. But again, we're glad you have the opportunity to celebrate such a wonderful thing as a new baby coming into your family.
Speaker 1: Okay, next question,
Speaker 1: Pamela
Speaker 2: wrote with a couple of questions. So we're going to take this one in two parts first, Pamela asks. I'm particularly interested in how to eat spaghetti and cut food. My mother is English, and she taught us manners based on how she was raised. But I have always noticed a difference in the way I was taught to cut my food and the way my friends do it. I'm guessing that what I'm seeing are inherent cultural differences. Should I toss out what I learned as a child in the English way and use instead? What I see now is the American way. Or perhaps it is living in socializing in San Francisco that is tainted my social skills.
Speaker 1: I'm not sure if they're tainted from living in San Francisco, although your mother might think they are. But no, I think you most certainly do not have to switch to an American style of eating. I think as long as your style won't gross others out at the table, meaning you use your fork, you chew with your mouth closed. You don't grip your fork and knife strangely, that you're going to be doing the right thing. This is
Speaker 2: Ah, such a classic dining etiquette table manners. Question is the American or Continental style of dining appropriate? And, um, what I'm guessing is that you're talking about the continental style where people cut their food with their knife in their right hand fork in their left and after they've cut their bite, they take the bite or you take your bite with your fork staying in your left hand as you bring it to your mouth in the American style. After you've cut your food fork in left hand knife and right, you set your knife down. The fork is transition from the left hand to
Speaker 1: the right
Speaker 2: hand and on the right hand brings the fork to your mouth.
Speaker 1: This is what Emily called zigzagging
Speaker 2: Exactly, and it Z you know, either style is entirely appropriate and acceptable. You're going to get away with either. I really prefer the Continental style. Personally, I find it so much simpler and easier. But here in America, the American style is is used broadly than you're definitely safe in either camp.
Speaker 1: Now, when it comes to that spaghetti, Um, I personally we recommend twirling it. You know, you basically use the times of your fork to grab a few of those long strands and then twirl them against the plate, either the side or the bottom of the plate. And then you've kind of got a nice little bundle. That's a fight. Cutting your spaghetti is just not something that's that's really considered appropriate in a lot of ways. It it does, given air of of like, I don't know, being infantile, a little childish. And I hate to. I hate to say that for anyone that does. But it's true just the same way. If you cut all of your food up once, you kind of have this massive plate of, like cut, perfectly bite sized food, and it there is. You're not participating
Speaker 2: as much in the art of crafting a bite and using your utensils with skill and facility
Speaker 1: e it. Is it it just it kind of, Yeah, it kind of is what we do for toddlers. So as adults, we try not to do that as much on there's no
Speaker 2: prohibition against using your spoon to twirl your spaghetti. You can do that at the same time against simplicity and ease, practicality. Being the heart of good manners. I really find that just using afford toilet on the plate or the edge of the dish
Speaker 1: really works Well, Um, so, so the anyway, that's our advice on spaghetti. We do have a wonderful video of my sister twirling spaghetti and showing the right and wrong way to do it. Um, and you can find that on our YouTube channel. Emily post productions. Um, Pamela's second question was that she has heard us say several times that they're They're magic words, please. Thank you. And her new favorite is you'll have to excuse me, but, um, which is more like a magic sentence? The magic words they're being. Excuse me, but what are the other magic words, Dan? The only other one
Speaker 2: that I would add to this list is Pardon me. I like to think of, please. Thank you. You're welcome. Excuse me. Pardon me, and I'm sorry. So
Speaker 1: So there are actually three that we added to the list cause Pamela only knew about please and thank you and the excuse me and you've got Pardon me? You're welcome. And I'm sorry.
Speaker 2: Yes. Yeah. I think it was a sort of have a little list of six in my head. And I find them. They're so useful. And they really are magic. They get you out of all kinds of difficult situations. They make all kinds of situations. You find yourself in better. And I think this is a great question. Based on the intro for today's show where we were talking about the
Speaker 1: importance of, please.
Speaker 2: Um but that that that the sincerity, the way that you deliver magic words is so important all of the magic words, not just pleased. And when we're teaching our Children's program, it's one of my favorite things to say. It's not the words that air magic the magic really is in you and, um, keep using those magic words, keep bringing them, bringing them out,
Speaker 1: bring bring the magic to the word brings magic to the words Abracadabra! Uh, there you go, Pamela. We hope that answers both of your questions. You hear that? She says. You're not as ruedas you used to be. Oh, what do you know? Well, thanks to everyone for sending in your questions, you can submit your question toe awesome etiquette at Emily post dot com. You can also send them in via Facebook and Twitter. Just use the hashtag awesome etiquette so that we know you want your question on the show.
Speaker 1: We got a great question from Chris that we thought would actually be an awesome segment for the show, and he wrote to us about what to do when you're from one culture. But you're dining or in the country of another culture which cultures etiquette do you defer thio so that everyone can feel comfortable? Because what's done in one culture that you've grown up in might not be okay in the culture that you're dining in. And so how do you know which takes precedent? It's
Speaker 2: such a phenomenal question, and it really speaks Thio how small the world is getting, and this situation is popping up more and more often. Sometimes you'll even have the further complication of someone from one culture trying a cuisine from another culture in a third country. But as a completely different set of standards, Azaz often happens here in the States but happens all over the world.
Speaker 1: So what do you do?
Speaker 2: So I like to think about a couple different things. First of all, you want to remind yourself because this is a tricky situation that ultimately what matters is caring for the people around you connecting with the people that you're dining with and that etiquette isn't about. Excluding people are setting up barriers between them. It really is just meant to give us queues so that we have some basic expectations of each other to get through a meal. So you never need to worry too much. Oh, if I do this wrong, are there gonna be dire consequences?
Speaker 1: This is these are these
Speaker 2: air table manners. So e think it's important to take a deep breath and remember that that this is in a life or death situation. It's important to eat, but it's really important to keep the focus on the people that you're with. Once you've got that calm state of mind, which I think is a good first step, you wanna ask yourself two questions? You wanna ask yourself, um, how is the individual being affected? And culturally, how are you responding to a tradition or culture? So it's important to respect the individual. You don't ever wanna put anyone in a situation where there really uncomfortable or working outside their frame of reference or their knowledge. So maybe you're eating in another country and you really don't know what to do. I think you've got a little bit of latitude there because you just don't know and people are going to cut you a little bit of slack, and I think it's important toe cut a guest that slack.
Speaker 1: Would you ask if you didn't know would you say? I know yes, this is what we would do in my in my country or my dinner table. But I'd love to know what's expected here.
Speaker 2: Yes, and I think that's where you start to look at it from the other direction. As an individual, you have a responsibility to respect tradition and culture, and you have to do a little bit of work ahead of time before you try a new cuisine, or particularly before you visit a new country. You want to do a little bit of research about the situation or the scenario that you find yourself in.
Speaker 2: It's not always going to be possible. Sometimes you're gonna find yourself in water is a little deeper than you expect there in a context that's out of your control. And when that happens, I want that individual toe have the latitude to be cut the slack At the same time, I I don't want that.
Speaker 2: I don't want the individual to walk around saying, Well, this is the way I do it and everybody else can get used to it and adjust. There is some real responsibility on the individual, so those Air two perspectives that I think are important to keep in mind in terms of the mechanics of a given situation. I say to myself, who's the host? And if I'm the guest, I'm looking to the host for cues. I'm gonna follow their lead first. I'm gonna watch what they do and try to mimic it. If I have a question, I'm gonna ask the host the question there, the person I'm gonna gonna look for cues for. And if they're a good host, they're gonna help me out. They're gonna enjoy sharing a particular tradition or way of eating. Um,
Speaker 1: have you ever because you've actually often been over in, um, many Asian countries where the dining is so incredibly different from our Western American culture. Have you ever experienced this where
Speaker 2: you just really didn't know what to do again and again and again on And And every time I find myself in a new situation, I'm asking questions. I'm letting my curiosity lead the way, and I have the good fortune of working in the etiquette business. So I
Speaker 1: got to say, you know, I've
Speaker 2: always been so curious what our table manners, like in Korea, talk to me about the really important things, talking about the things that have symbolic significance, or just the little details that that someone would learn as a child here, that I might not know coming from America. And those are some of my favorite discussions or conversations. The last time I was in Korea, a question came up
Speaker 2: about people from Korea being hosted in the States and their host in the states making an effort to to present them with things that were intended to be comforting. But they take someone from Korea out to a Chinese restaurant and think that because there's chopsticks or that that that that that somehow that's gonna gonna work and that showed a real lack of sensitivity, a real lack of awareness. So I think it's important to really pay attention. Thio. So how you navigate these cultural questions? Because there are, um, there are some real stakes involved here. You want to show respect and you want to show respect thio the autonomy of the individual as well as to the culture tradition that they come from. So I I I like the thoughtfulness of the question and, um and it is tricky, but It's also it's that trickiness shouldn't make you feel uncomfortable that these aerial opportunities to build bridges, to grow relationships and to try new things. So I say, Don't avoid the situation, but approach it with some care and you should be in good shape. And I'd love to hear our readers, our listeners, thoughts about this question as well, because the world is going to keep getting smaller. And, boy, it's a treat to try other cuisines.
Speaker 1: Social courtesy does pay, doesn't it? Thanks.
Speaker 1: Should we do a quick little etiquette salute to Jane Lind home? I think we should, I think that, she said. We're cutting in with a little etiquette salute. Jane is a wonderful host and on air talent here at Vermont Public Radio, and she was sitting in the lobby this morning. There was a little bit of a mix up, and we wound up without a sound engineer today, and she came into her studio and got us set up and rolling, and we could not be more grateful. So, Jane, thank you for being aware of the people around you and having the kindness to help them out.
Speaker 2: Exactly. Once again. Thank you so much to everyone here a v p. R. You're such remarkable host for this podcast. We appreciate you so much and couldn't do it without you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Speaker 1: Well, now it wasn't that better. Look at the effect of a little collections.
Speaker 1: Well, that's our show for today. Thank you so much for listening. We hope you have a wonderful week. And remember, we love to hear from you. So send us your questions, your etiquette salutes and your suggestions to awesome etiquette at Emily post dot com. If you like what you hear, you can always subscribe on iTunes. And if you dig us, we'd love it. If you leave us a review, we want to connect with you anyway that we can way don't want to creep you out. But we do want to invite you to participate. You can find us on Facebook. Where? The Emily Post Institute on Twitter. I am at busy a post and I'm at Daniel. Underscore Post. Or you can visit our website. Emily Post com. And as always, we're so grateful for our theme music which was composed and performed by Bob Wagner