Episode 349 - Charcuterie

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Speaker 1: maybe it's just that you don't know how to use social. Could you see that's old fashioned,

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Speaker 1: watch how busy post and then post to act as host and hostess. They know that courtesy means showing respect, thinking of the other person. Real friendliness.

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Speaker 1: Mhm.

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Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to awesome etiquette where

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Speaker 2: we explore modern etiquette through the lens of consideration, respect and honesty.

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Speaker 1: On today's show we take your questions on dealing with questions about being single at a certain age manners for sharing charcuterie boards.

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Speaker 1: The line between being friendly with neighbors and being overbearing and returning the favor when someone brings you dinner

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Speaker 1: for

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Speaker 2: awesome etiquette sustaining members are question is about sharing baby news with a friend who has miscarried

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Speaker 1: plus your most excellent feedback etiquette salute and a postscript about intergenerational manners. All that's coming up,

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Speaker 1: awesome etiquette comes to you from the studios of our home offices in Vermont and is proud to be produced by the Emily Post Institute.

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Speaker 2: I'm lizzie Post

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Speaker 1: and I'm dan post sending,

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Speaker 2: hey, because

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Speaker 1: I'm

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Speaker 2: sensing you have a very large cup of coffee that I'm wishing I had in my hands right now,

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Speaker 1: medium sized cup. But it is hot and strong and fresh

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Speaker 2: because I

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Speaker 1: don't want to be rude, but you sound a little tired this morning looking for your cup of

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Speaker 2: coffee. I am, I'm tired, I'm tired this morning because I had people over last night.

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Speaker 2: It was like,

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Speaker 1: what? Okay, all my sympathy just went out the window.

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Speaker 2: You as a socializing is hard, you can feel sorry for me. Last night I had invited my friend jesse who's

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Speaker 2: fully vaccinated and they lifted the orders in Vermont so that, you know, people who are fully vaccinated can really gather at home. That's been, that's actually been true for a little while, but I hadn't been fully vaccinated yet.

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Speaker 2: So when I felt ready, I called her and I said, hey, do you want to come over for like dinner and a movie? She was down and while she was on her way over an old friend of mine, like someone I haven't talked to in probably like five years and this is so Vermont by the way,

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Speaker 2: asked to come and pick up the carpet cleaner that they had lent me years and years and years ago.

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Speaker 2: I know don't even have carpet in my house anymore. Like

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Speaker 1: machine

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Speaker 2: was a carpet cleaning machine when we wrote the section in the book on borrowing etiquette and it's the borrower who is responsible for also being the returner. Like this is, this has been almost a joke item between me and this friend and

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Speaker 2: um, but he came by to pick it up and uh, and he's fully vaccinated and we were chatting and I was like, hey, if you want to come, like, hang out for a bit, totally welcome. And he ended up like staying through dinner and through the evening. Because remember all this speculation we've done about, you might be tired, you might not be able to hang out very late. We were hanging out to like midnight. Like I like I had adults my own age

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Speaker 2: in my home, hanging out with me for hours on end last night. And it was, it was glorious. We all kept doing all the awkward things you would imagine. Like if someone talked too long, they would be like, um, was I talking too long, did I just take us in a totally weird direction or is

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Speaker 1: this okay?

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Speaker 2: But it's things like you're wondering like, do I just pick my nose or something? Like, you know, like you're, you're just, you're, you're, you're warning signs of like, am I, am I socially participating? Well, right now,

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Speaker 2: we were all being very self reflective. It was, it was funny. It was it was really a riot. And it also,

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Speaker 2: I thought I was going to be way more tired early on and I was but I was so enjoying the company and the conversation, it was just great. By the way, my friend, Jesse is an excellent conversationalist. She listens really, really well and she is very invested in whatever the topic is. So, whether it's something she's bringing to the table or whether she's like

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Speaker 2: reflecting on what someone else is bringing to the table,

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Speaker 2: her investment. Like I really noticed it last night, watching, watching the two friends who had never met each other before participate in like hours long conversations with each other. It was like really, it was really fun. It was, it was really charging, it was really good.

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Speaker 2: But Jessie stayed much later, so I didn't go to bed at like two am I haven't had like a two a.m. Out

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Speaker 2: with friends and we were in but like night and just forever. I feel both jazzed and like, can I go back to bed?

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Speaker 2: No, I have work to do this sunday more, but I love hearing about good, I'm so glad

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Speaker 1: well, and I'm also what I'm starting to get a little bit is that this wasn't a planned

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Speaker 1: dinner party. This was a spontaneous gathering that turned in,

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Speaker 2: remember when you wanted to get rid of the section on impromptu dinners? And I was like, no, they happen, you know, it was it was there was a plan of of one and then when all three of us were together for the crossover moment,

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Speaker 2: I could just tell that Jesse was comfortable enough around my friend, my other friend and it was like,

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Speaker 2: it just it all felt really good, you know what I mean? It's like every everybody seemed to be enjoying everything and so I was like, you know, let's just let's see if everyone wants to stay and hang out together and they did and new friends, It's so nice, it's so nice

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Speaker 1: hosting the crossover moment was navigated with

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Speaker 2: serving the weirdest dinner though, because I had like

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Speaker 2: eggplant parm that I had made, that was like this really fabulous, fabulous recipe that I learned over in Italy and it not not like eggplant parm is revolutionary, but like it does this eggplant parm doesn't have like breading on it for instance, it's like made up of just like three or four ingredients. I just love it. But

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Speaker 2: I had some of that, we had like a taco salad that was made like with chick peas and mushrooms.

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Speaker 2: So it was like vegetarian, but it was like these two wildly different like things I wouldn't normally put together and like I had also just placed out this keen wa salad that I've been telling you about, that I've been making, that's like oranges and ginger and keen juan spinach and

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Speaker 2: I think like mint, scallion and garlic and it was like so good. And we all have these plates of like the most random grouping of food

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Speaker 2: and everyone ate everything, went back for seconds. It was really fun.

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Speaker 1: It sounds like the potluck supper. Yes, no where you've got the different things and each one is awesome, but they don't usually end up on the play together,

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Speaker 2: but that is exactly what it felt like. Only they all came from my fridge,

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Speaker 2: but we did a big, big bowl of blueberries for dessert and everyone was eating out of the same bowl and it was just, it felt normal, you guys,

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Speaker 2: it felt really normal for the first time in a long time I'm gonna, I'm gonna stop talking, I've been going for like five minutes straight,

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Speaker 1: I love hearing about it and one of the other things that I can't help, but I'm doing it in my head as I do this little timeline, I'm doing the math.

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Speaker 1: So we got the relaxing of social distancing restrictions for fully vaccinated people only a few days ago and to start to hear these kinds of stories, you know, 48 hours, 72 hours later. It's exciting.

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Speaker 2: It really was, that was last night was really, really great night. And even though there were parts of me that we're going, I know I told dan I wanted to record the podcast super early on sunday. I was like, I don't care,

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Speaker 2: I have friends. Excuse every excuse ever. It was great. It was really, really, really great. So you know what this means, Daniel post sending.

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Speaker 1: Do you have a podcast to record?

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Speaker 2: No, I'm coming for you. We're going to be hanging out within the next like, so many hours. Like I've

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Speaker 1: been thinking about it. I'm looking forward to it. Also

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Speaker 2: awesome. But yes, no, in the meantime, before I, I probably end the podcast and then jump in my car and drive up to see you. And I think we do have some questions to get to and I bet it's going to be a good show.

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Speaker 1: Let's do

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Speaker 2: it.

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Speaker 2: Awesome etiquette is here to answer your questions, you can email them to. Awesome etiquette at Emily Post dot com. Leave a voicemail or text at 802858 kind. That's 8028585463 Or reach us on social media on twitter. We are at Emily Post on instagram, we are at Emily Post Institute and on facebook were awesome etiquette. Just use the hashtag awesome etiquette with your social media post so that we know you want your question on the show.

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Speaker 1: Mhm.

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Speaker 1: Our first question this week is about dating, discussion, decency. Dear, awesome folks, I'm a 30 year old, self sufficient, single female. I have recently moved back to the midwest for a short time for work and the fact that I'm single and have crossed the third decade threshold seems to cause pause for the community.

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Speaker 1: I often get questions as to what is wrong with me or

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Speaker 1: unwarranted reassurances like don't worry, you will find a man to take care of you. I recognize this comes from a place of caring, but I'm beginning to find the whole thing frustrating. How can I politely combat their concerns? A woman of a certain age?

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Speaker 2: Oh, a woman of a certain age, dan. How how is this? Not me. Writing in this is I feel so kindred spirit right now.

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Speaker 1: I love the good humor of the sign off

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Speaker 2: to,

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Speaker 2: but this is, this is a frustrating thing that happens. I find when I was in my young thirties, I had a lot of people assume I was divorced,

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Speaker 2: assume I had kids already assume that I was looking and I was so that was a true assumption, but I got a lot of these as I got older, I also got like, I believe that like 30 for someone told me, oh

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Speaker 2: you're going to be in the dead zone for the next six years and not find anyone till people start getting divorced in their forties. Like people straight up said stuff like that directly to my face. It made me want to cry sometimes just because it felt so like

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Speaker 2: who are you, who are you to to predict the world like in any way, shape or form. And I think that finding both

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Speaker 2: really simple sample language to exit those conversations on or accept and and uh what I would think of as a rude comment that's, you know, it's not meant to be rude, but boy, it sure does feel that way when it lands. I would come up with with something to just kind of deflect and absorb for when you don't really want to deal with it

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Speaker 2: and then come up with language where when you get that sense that you could have a further discussion about what someone just said, that you could have that discussion, you know, like when, when someone says, don't worry, you'll find a man to take care of you. I think you could both do a quick.

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Speaker 2: Is that really my goal? And you know, I think I'm looking for something a little different from that might be a quick way to both combat it

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Speaker 2: but not take it too seriously or you could say,

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Speaker 2: boy, you know, I've been really surprised when people say things like that to me that the automatic assumption is that that's what I'm looking for in a relationship, but I'm 30 I've been on my own for a while. Like I'm an established person.

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Speaker 2: Like I don't think that's my goal might be a way that I'd enter into it. Like to see if someone would want to discuss out the idea of like, wow, what you just said isn't like, cool. Um, which I find you can have those discussions more than people think as long as they're not super accusatory, you know,

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Speaker 1: I really do and I was a little bit hoping that we would get to that point a little bit because the, I mean, the etiquette framework here is so

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Speaker 1: clear. I mean, it's just really inappropriate what's going on here. And um, just to, to really cover that ground. Um,

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Speaker 1: tier two conversations, politics, religion dating or your love life and

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Speaker 1: guidelines for having those conversations. Well, you don't ask probing questions unless someone's opened the door. You don't assume too much, You don't even assume that someone wants to talk about it. You test the waters a little bit before you offer your opinions and you certainly don't comment on other people's choices unless you've really established

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Speaker 1: trust. And you know, that's what they're looking for from you.

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Speaker 1: So just to just to say that because I went as you were reading the question back and forth from finding it sort of funny, shocking and just being flabbergasted and, and I'm not completely flabbergasted because I also have heard you talk about experiencing things like this for the

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Speaker 2: last decade. Yeah, sorry, I didn't mean to cut you

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Speaker 1: off, which left me saying to myself, there's a really clear etiquette thing going on here, which and you covered it, which is, you don't point out their rudeness, you do the best to absorb and not respond in kind. But I do think that you're right. There are opportunities, particularly people where the question or the comments are coming from a place of caring

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Speaker 1: and maybe it's unintended the impact that it's having, if there's some way that you can

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Speaker 1: bring that out without

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Speaker 1: allowing the hurt that you might feel, or the that sort of surprised that I was feeling a little bit as I first heard it, um, to come across as anger or like you're upset with them, there might be room to kind of shift this conversation a little bit and that's not work for our question, asked her to do. But it's certainly there and there might be some real opportunities because these are natural conversations in a lot of ways

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Speaker 2: and because you're looking for the etiquette angle for how to deal with it. You know, it's like, oftentimes when we, like we say, you can always step outside that boundary of etiquette, when you, when you feel you need to write when safety is an issue, when

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Speaker 2: uh really taking a stand for for something you believe in or who you are. Like it's their we've we've said, you know, don't don't deny your feelings to a point. You know, just for the sake of etiquette. But it can be funny when you say, but I want to do this. You know, I don't want to say well because I don't want to balance the two that way, but I want to engage in this.

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Speaker 2: And I'm not interested in doing the version where I really hold the mirror up to someone's face in a harsh way or or just let my feelings fly on it. I feel like then you are in the space stands talking about where you're going to find a way to take a little care, but you're going to venture into the topic. And

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Speaker 2: I don't think there's anything wrong with doing that. I've also a woman of a certain age.

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Speaker 2: I have had success at times and it doesn't work with everybody. So you have to really read the room but had success telling someone, wow what you just said, felt like a bowling ball or a bullet, you know, like compare the comment to really being hit hard and people all of a sudden like, oh my gosh, that's that is not how I meant it.

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Speaker 2: And that's often when I find I have an opportunity to say, you know, it's really funny. But as I've, as I've been living my single life, I've been really surprised at how many comments are like that, that I experience a lot of comments like that from people where they really don't intend it to sound bad. They're curious uh

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Speaker 2: often for me was one of the things that would get really frustrating and I didn't always want to get into the, let's have a conversation about this

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Speaker 2: would be the issue that people would equate a good looking person being single as being tragic. And it really bothered me like that. My singledom was not a tragedy to anyone, maybe to me, certainly on certain nights when I would call dan crying, but like

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Speaker 2: it wasn't something I wanted other people to see as tragic.

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Speaker 2: And that became a conversation I could talk about with people. So sometimes it was about taking what they say and using it as that moment to highlight, wow, that really didn't land on this end. Well, let me tell you why, if they're willing to listen to the why? Sometimes they just want to get out of the room.

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Speaker 2: What

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Speaker 2: dan I could talk about this forever. Help Help give me some direction. Like I'll ramble till the cows come home. I

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Speaker 1: think I think your advice is good. I was hoping we would get some sample scripts and there's I mean there's an infinite number for a topic like this, but I like the way that you have found that sort of acknowledging the way it impacts you is one way to open that discussion.

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Speaker 1: And that that that can often times be a real eye opener for someone who's used to thinking about maybe talking about dating and love life's as a fun thing, something they like and they're just kind of talking about it and for that to provide an opportunity or a moment where oh no, there's a little bit of accountability there if you can do it in a way that's

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Speaker 1: like you say, not too hurtful or accusatory, you might do a lot of good. I think this discussion is going to go on all summer long

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Speaker 2: dance. Been predicting a summer of love. Like I mean a lot of people

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Speaker 1: have been predicting that I think a lot of people are going to be coming out and both

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Speaker 1: getting together again for the first time but also commenting on the ways people interact. And it's a really good reminder early on to take some care with that

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Speaker 2: a woman of a certain age, I can certainly relate and I really want to thank you for asking this question so that it gave us a chance to explore the topic a little bit

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Speaker 2: and I hope that the sample scripts, both both short and long engagement form

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Speaker 2: help as you move through these conversations.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 2: Just a quick reminder to check out our greeting card line which includes gift tags and place cards. The Emily Post Garden Collection by Ece Salazar is ready and waiting for you. Inspired by Emily's love of gardening. This line features watercolor botanicals, both blank and with messages

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Speaker 2: staying stocked up on greeting cards means you never miss an opportunity to connect and reach out. Whether it's to celebrate to sympathize or to say hello,

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Speaker 2: check out the Emily Post greeting card collection at esa Salazar dot com or by visiting Emily Post dot com. Today

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Speaker 2: our next question is titled charcuterie sharing and because I am so passing this one to you. All right, are you ready for it? I'm glad

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Speaker 1: you got to read charcuterie without me having to figure out how to pronounce it. Something

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Speaker 2: we've all learned in the past 10 years. All right,

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Speaker 2: happy Tuesday lizzie and dan. Last night my husband and I hosted a dinner at a nice restaurant in town for two of his co workers and their dates. We ordered a charcuterie board for an appetizer. It was a super delicious spread of block cheese, softer cheese, prosciutto, olives, grapes, Hamas, crackers and jam. Once our waitress set the board on our table, we all just kind of looked at each other.

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Speaker 2: My husband said now what?

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Speaker 2: It was kind of confusing because none of the cheese was sliced and there were no utensils to slice the cheese only to spread the jam.

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Speaker 2: No one else had really eaten. Officer Coterie board either.

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Speaker 2: I've only had one other type of cheese board like this and I was just having a girls night with my mom and sisters at my mom's house. So I've never shared with this many people and I could just get up and grabbed the utensils. I need,

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Speaker 2: we ended up just having one person slice up the cheeses and then we just went around and grabbed a bit of what we wanted on our own personal small plates.

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Speaker 2: One person took the entire container of JM for himself and his spouse picked up olives out of the little bowl with her hand. It ended up being super yummy, but it just felt awkward.

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Speaker 2: Is there etiquette for eating a charcuterie board with a small group of people in a more formal setting. This charcuterie board was amazing and I will definitely be ordering more in the future but would love to have the etiquette knowledge on how to enjoy one properly, especially if I'm in a situation where other people know what they're doing.

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Speaker 2: P. S. My husband and I are currently working through the gift of good manners. Oh since her son was about six months old and are loving it.

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Speaker 2: It's creating some awesome discussion between me and my husband about parenting. Thank you Emily. Post Institute for what you do. Thank you so much charcuterie. Newbie dan. That's so cool. That's your mom's book.

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Speaker 1: It absolutely is. And I'm just going to have to hit pause on a response to that PS because I might have to send it in as feedback or we might have to do a whole postscript about it at some point.

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Speaker 2: Um

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Speaker 1: I'm so delighted that that you're enjoying the gift of good manners, that it's sparking some conversations with your spouse. That is exactly what that book was intended to do. And I'm, I'm just delighted I will tell my mother that you are enjoying it.

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Speaker 1: Um, but let's talk about boards and charcuterie because it's one of the ways I want pooja over

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Speaker 2: and

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Speaker 1: there are many, many boards in our life and they are awesome and let's enjoy them together. Well, shall we? Yes,

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Speaker 2: let's get,

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Speaker 2: well, let's talk

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Speaker 1: about just some big picture etiquette things and some little rudeness is came up and I think we can acknowledge them as rudeness is and avoid them ourselves in the future. So this is a shared presentation. So you don't want to take more than your share of anything, Don't be gluttonous and overindulge. You can do a quick calculation in your head how many people are there here? How does that break up?

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Speaker 1: It might be that things are in small enough portions that there isn't going to be an equal share for everybody of everything on the board.

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Speaker 2: Not everybody might be able to eat everything on the board. That's another thing that happens

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Speaker 1: exactly. So you might not get eight shares of four olives, for example, but if there's three different types of olives that each have four, maybe don't make your

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Speaker 1: olive eating the thing where you take your share of that one in each of the smalls, just do the math in your mind so that you're sharing that. You're not taking all of any one thing.

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Speaker 2: Wait, can I add to that please

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Speaker 2: in doing the math where you break it up and you're just like, okay, this this is about what I could take to make sure other people have a chance to eat some.

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Speaker 2: You just know there are some people that sit around and go okay, there's, you know, four slices of prosciutto and four people, we each get a slice and then might freak out if someone like take goes in on a second slice, you know, before you've had your first or something like that. And

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Speaker 2: the idea with thinking about roughly what your quote unquote share is,

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Speaker 2: is to to harness your own self, not to judge others, not to make it feel like it has to be even stevens

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Speaker 1: etiquette golf

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Speaker 2: club. Yeah, like right. Like that's the, but that's, that's really a big part of this. I feel like is, it's not about judging others. What I do think happens though is when someone takes the whole jam pot, like, like you were saying like, that's a rudeness, you know, like you've just taken the entire jam pot for yourself.

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Speaker 2: There are no other little jam pots, like you've now removed the sweet element for anyone else to enjoy. Like that's a big red flag. No, no, but what I'm going to keep my focus on is eating my share and enjoying my share. And once I've noticed that everybody's really had a turn at the board,

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Speaker 2: then I might start asking, does anybody mind if I have ever, has everyone had a chance to have the pursuit? Yeah. Who does, has anybody not had a corny sean yet? Has anybody not had, you know, the pickled cherries or whatever? They are maybe not pickled cherries. Um, but you know what's happening later today now, because right. But no, it's really about first thinking of those share as yours and then once everyone's had a chance at the board, opening it up and starting to ask about individual items, you know, I have to watch myself on boards because I love the flavors that come off them so much

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Speaker 2: that I can like robotically be eating, especially whenever they have

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Speaker 2: crackers that are like little spicy cheesy crackers. Oh my gosh, I just like that with some cheeses and spreads and I'm like, I'm a goner. I'm such a,

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Speaker 1: and we will get to the cheeses in just a minute.

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Speaker 2: Okay. Yeah, but this is going to be a long question, settle in folks.

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Speaker 1: So there's another big etiquette thing that comes up in the example of rudeness is that is important for boards, which is just general cleanliness. Yes. And this applies to any shared food.

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Speaker 1: Just think about your hands as only touching the thing that you're going to eat and sort of the slightly, um, the expansion of that idea is that you're not like picking around in the food. You're not even if you're using a little utensil or something, you don't make a mess of the shared food. Just take the thing that you're going to take.

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Speaker 1: There are even some little courtesies, like not reaching across and over other things. If you can help. Like if there are things on your side of it or if it turns or

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Speaker 2: if it's going to turn the board

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Speaker 1: and, and those all provide, like those moments where you talk about sharing opportunities to engage, Does anyone mind if I turn the board is everyone? Have you had a chance over there with that? Um but there are just some general courtesies around, not disturbing or making a mess of the shared presentation and also making every effort that you can to keep that shared food as clean as possible. So the idea of taking a few things putting them on your plate is a great one, particularly you're gonna go back into the dip

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Speaker 1: that you've also put on your plate a couple of times. I thought when I saw charcuterie in the title

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Speaker 1: that we would have some part of the double dip question come

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Speaker 2: up. So answer the double, the double dip now as well as the dip and flip, because people do that to

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Speaker 1: you can't bite one half of the,

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Speaker 1: turn it around and put the side that hasn't been in your mouth.

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Speaker 2: Exactly because it's been in your hand, you've been holding it like,

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Speaker 1: so if you do have something like that jam or a little mustard or something that you'd like to be able to apply repeatedly or dip in

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Speaker 1: the routine is that you put a little bit of it on the plate that you're serving yourself onto.

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Speaker 2: Its just like communal butter, you know, there's no different, no different. One of the things that came up in this particular situation was charcuterie Newbie was talking about how

00:27:01

Speaker 2: at home when she shared boards with like family and friends, no big deal. You just get up and go get the utensils and things you needed

00:27:09

Speaker 2: if you're bored shows up with no utensils. I think you could definitely, especially because this was mentioned as a more formal situation. I could see you asking a server for some extra forks or like some extra knives to help serve things up. I will also say though that I've had this experience go where

00:27:29

Speaker 2: at an american table, there's been a lot of attention paid towards exactly what dan has been describing,

00:27:35

Speaker 2: but when I've gone out to dinner with friends in ITaly, it's, and this is like meeting people I've never met before, you know, big boards, that kind of thing that eating with your hands eating straight from the plate to your hands to your mouth. Like it's a very dig in and share experience with without a thought, you know what I mean?

00:27:56

Speaker 2: And the more formalized version would be grabbing the forks and separating things out and stuff. So there is definitely a kind of, what time and place are we in? How comfortable are we aspect to it?

00:28:07

Speaker 1: And I would say even in the most formal of situations, in fact probably the most formal of situations, if something's presented without utensils, I'm

00:28:15

Speaker 1: in my head saying

00:28:17

Speaker 1: this was designed to be eaten with my fingers and

00:28:19

Speaker 2: often

00:28:20

Speaker 1: boards are and you can definitely ask for utensils to help and places are going to say, oh no, don't do it or, but sort of the better prepared the meal, the more thought that's gone into how it's presented,

00:28:33

Speaker 1: the easier it's going to be for the diner to engage it. So if it comes out with just some dull knives that look like they're there for spreading, that's probably the only thing you need and the rest of the plate is probably designed to be picked up with your fingers,

00:28:46

Speaker 2: fingers. Yeah, no, exactly, sorry, I got really excited about forker fingers because we actually haven't talked about that etiquette point in a long time. It's a good one.

00:28:55

Speaker 1: No, And and the question of like, you know, is it okay to take food from a communal dish and put it into your mouth? Absolutely. It's just

00:29:03

Speaker 1: nothing that has gone up to your mouth goes back towards that communal dish before your second

00:29:08

Speaker 2: bite, Right? And so that also means you're trying not to get your lips all over your fingers and lick your fingers and then put the, you know, go back for more. You

00:29:16

Speaker 2: you do kind of want to be careful about that sort of thing,

00:29:19

Speaker 1: and that's why you just touch the thing that you're going to pick up

00:29:22

Speaker 1: and eat.

00:29:23

Speaker 2: Oh, because, oh, because it sounds so simple, but it's not always easy. Sometimes that little piece of salami is like still stuck to the piece of salami, it didn't quite get severed from or

00:29:33

Speaker 2: or two pieces of, you know, it's like, like for instance, in this, they mentioned one person cut the cheese because the cheese showed up in blocks, not sliced so that people could easily just pick something up.

00:29:43

Speaker 2: What's your advice for someone who sees or either a they go to pick something up and something else comes with it or they are looking at something and going, there's no way I can pick that up without touching something else.

00:29:56

Speaker 1: Bonus Yossi get some extra prosciutto.

00:30:00

Speaker 2: That's when it doesn't matter if that extra piece comes along. I got it, I got it.

00:30:07

Speaker 1: Although there is something else that's going on here that I thought was interesting was the hard cheese that didn't look like it was small enough to take in a bite.

00:30:15

Speaker 1: And the the general rule is that soft cheeses are provided with a knife for spreading and hard cheeses are presented so you can pick them up and eat them like finger food.

00:30:24

Speaker 1: So generally speaking, a hard cheese shouldn't be presented to you in a way that you're having to cut it at the table because that's awkward and tough and there's like a tiny little piece of cheese and it's hard. You need some kind of

00:30:39

Speaker 1: knife that's going to do

00:30:41

Speaker 2: sharper than a spreading

00:30:42

Speaker 1: knife. Yeah, exactly. And so I'm thinking in some ways that's a small maybe failing of the restaurant

00:30:49

Speaker 1: that the cheese was served and that might not be a standard or something they're thinking about. And I think the solution that you came up with as a table makes perfect sense. But the general guideline with jesus is

00:31:00

Speaker 1: um if it's a soft spread herbal, it's going to have a knife with it. If it's a hard cheese, it should probably be already cut up to a bite size so you can just pick it up.

00:31:08

Speaker 2: Sure. Coterie newbie, we could go on and on and on with this question. Thank you so much for giving us a chance to talk about a particular type of survey of, of uh,

00:31:20

Speaker 2: it's not a course, but a particular style of food and eating that that we both love so so much. It's incredibly popular. It's amazing for display. It works so well, but it does present some etiquette challenges. It's really fun to explore.

00:31:36

Speaker 2: Prepared meats

00:31:37

Speaker 1: are american favorites, favorites for nutrition and favorites for flavor

00:31:42

Speaker 1: prepared meats are easy to serve and good to eat.

00:31:45

Speaker 1: They're enjoyed by almost everyone everywhere every day.

00:31:51

Speaker 1: How our next question is about neighbor niceties. Hi, dan and lizzie. I've been listening to your show since 2000 and 16, but this is the first time I'm asking a question.

00:32:04

Speaker 1: My and my boyfriend's close friend lives next door to us in an apartment complex. My sister's longtime friend, Let's call her Beth has been living with her parents on their couch for a few months post grad and was looking for a place.

00:32:17

Speaker 1: My sister told her about the available room in our close friends apartment and she ended up moving in recently.

00:32:23

Speaker 1: We're thrilled to live next to friends living in LA. It's usually wonderful weather. So we're leaving our door open more often with just the screen door staying shut.

00:32:32

Speaker 1: Our next door neighbors and uh share a balcony and the only way for them to access the garage is bypassing our apartment's front door.

00:32:39

Speaker 1: My question is this

00:32:41

Speaker 1: when our neighbors are coming and going from the garage to their apartment, Is it rude to not say hi every time

00:32:47

Speaker 1: I'm not too worried about offending our longtime friend since she knows us better. But with beth I'm not sure what I should be doing

00:32:55

Speaker 1: this morning. I saw her leaving their apartment and wanted to wish her a good day as I could see her from my couch. My couch is only about 20 ft from the front door, but I don't want her to think. I'm constantly monitoring her comings and goings since I would hate that myself.

00:33:10

Speaker 1: What's a good balance to strike here? I wanted to feel like she can talk to us through the screen door of its open without it being awkward, since that's kind of an unspoken signal that we're open to socializing

00:33:20

Speaker 1: what should I do to be a friendly but not nosy neighbor, sincerely neighbor quandary.

00:33:25

Speaker 2: Oh first of all, neighbor quandary, I am super jealous. I dreamed of situations like the one you're describing like where you have that just great relationship in your building with other people and it just, it feels so good.

00:33:38

Speaker 2: But dan I think I have a really super quick solution to this one.

00:33:43

Speaker 1: I

00:33:44

Speaker 2: think that I contact is would be my indicators of this. So I'm sitting on my couch watching the morning news beth walks by, I might look out as she's walking by because I hear her

00:33:58

Speaker 2: and if I see her look my way then I'll give a nod in a wave or have a good day, something like that.

00:34:03

Speaker 2: And if I don't then I know she's just, she's on her way, she's out, she's doing her thing. You know,

00:34:09

Speaker 2: I won't say she's making a beeline to her car or to the bus stop, but like she's, you know, she's she's headed out and engaged in that and that would be how I would gauge whether saying hi to her is the right thing to do in that moment or not.

00:34:23

Speaker 2: And at some point, if you, if you were really wondering, I think you could talk to her. But I I think I contact, I think if you catch your eye great and if you don't then you know, no big deal. She was

00:34:32

Speaker 2: on her way

00:34:33

Speaker 1: as you were talking about it, it came clearer and clearer to me. I love your idea of eye contact. Are they busy? Are they like rushing to get to their car? Are they not looking? I'm not going to say anything. So we just made eye contact. I'll add a little smile to this. Oh, I got a smile back, I might say good morning or the kind of good morning that doesn't invite conversation

00:34:52

Speaker 2: morning

00:34:53

Speaker 1: as they make eye contact smile, but keep walking. Oh, eye contact smile. They look like they're holding up a little bit Good morning. Different kind of Good morning.

00:35:03

Speaker 1: I love the eye contact as first indication of whether someone's interested or willing first greetings are seeing someone first time in the day, it's great to acknowledge each other. If you can, if you got the spirit neighbors through a screen door, I'm

00:35:20

Speaker 1: going to say that's not a requirement. It's not like you should be making that effort all the time. Absolutely. But if it happens, it can be as light as that first time you see anyone the first time you see them and you give them the good morning hi. And it's just about acknowledging each other in your presence. It's not about developing an interaction

00:35:39

Speaker 2: and I would not feel bad if I noticed that beth wasn't making a lot of eye contact with me as she walks across because your screen door is shut and she's probably thinking, I'm trying not to disturb you, you know what I mean? And so I feel like there's, there's that too, but I have this with one of my neighbors and my neighbor two doors down for me and I are like, we're really close friends and

00:36:01

Speaker 2: she is awesome, but she, she walks her dog like multiple times a day and I take a lot of my business calls outside in my yard because it's really nice and after a year of being in my house, it's really nice. But it's funny how often there's a, you know, there's a nod, sometimes there's nothing.

00:36:20

Speaker 2: Sometimes there's a stop and chat for a long time. Sometimes there's a stop and chat for just a second but let her know I'm talking on the phone to dan. Like

00:36:28

Speaker 2: there's a whole range of different greetings and interactions that we engage with and I think, I think you'll find a nice niche with beth that's similar where it's like they'll just be a range over time that you feel comfortable with. But

00:36:41

Speaker 2: um what I like is is the paying attention to it is to just being aware that like you, you want to come across as welcoming and friendly and not overbearing

00:36:50

Speaker 2: and that that's a balance to strike like already neighbor neighbor quandary is operating from just such a great place of etiquette,

00:36:58

Speaker 1: that much self awareness is definitely going to keep you in pretty good shape. The only thing I'd add is that there might be an opportunity at some point when you're hanging out with these friends and had

00:37:09

Speaker 1: a conversation that's gone on for more than a sentence or two

00:37:12

Speaker 1: to let them know the way you think about a screen door is being an invitation for them to pleasantly socialist if they want to knock and say hi, that that's a,

00:37:21

Speaker 1: that's how you feel about an open front door.

00:37:24

Speaker 2: I think that makes a lot of sense dan neighbor quandary. We certainly hope our answer helps and we are so happy for your awesome neighbors situation.

00:37:34

Speaker 1: But just as important as laws are the rules and usages of courtesy and consideration,

00:37:40

Speaker 1: which we call good manners.

00:37:42

Speaker 1: They come naturally where people have a high regard for each other,

00:37:46

Speaker 1: enjoying their friendships and their companionship

00:37:50

Speaker 1: and since people must depend upon one another, they have built up ways through the ages of getting along together.

00:37:57

Speaker 1: Mhm

00:37:58

Speaker 2: mm.

00:37:59

Speaker 2: This question is titled is half of something half as nice High a team. I have a question about something that happened to me last week, a neighbor brought over a dinner plate for me. Her family was making steaks for her birthday and knowing I live alone, she wanted to include me. So she brought over a plate with meat and some sides.

00:38:19

Speaker 2: I was already in the process of making a chocolate cake that day, so I decided to return her plate

00:38:24

Speaker 2: washed with half of the cake on it. I figured the half of the cake would be enough for her whole family to have a slice, but I kept the other half for myself to eat over time after I did that. I wondered if it was rude to only give someone half a cake. Do you have any etiquette advice on this? Thanks Brenda.

00:38:43

Speaker 2: I did this two days ago.

00:38:46

Speaker 1: Is the cake half full or is the dish half empty?

00:38:50

Speaker 2: I was just going to say guys, I swear I did not write all these questions. Uh it's so half full because it's so half full because you also think so, like at least if it's a good cake you get responses of, oh my God, thank you so much for bringing me that cake and thank you for not bringing me a whole cake.

00:39:11

Speaker 2: Um I often give half of my baking to my neighbor or my friend laurel there, my like my designated baked goods can go to these houses. These aren't people that feel like it's a burden to receive them. I have what I think is the perfect chocolate cake recipe.

00:39:30

Speaker 2: I believe. I have actually shared it with

00:39:32

Speaker 1: garlic has been thrown

00:39:34

Speaker 2: on our instagram and it is so good. This cake, it's it's fluffy and moist, it's you know dense but light,

00:39:43

Speaker 2: it's like it's it's really fabulous and I did a I added coconut X. I told you about it because I had a coconut extract to it and I did a coconut buttercream frosting for it.

00:39:52

Speaker 2: It was so good that for this gal who's trying to lose the pandemic poundage that she's gained, it was not a helpful thing to have the entire cake in my house.

00:40:04

Speaker 1: So what you're saying is half a cake giveaway you're for it.

00:40:09

Speaker 2: Oh God I am so for this it's not even funny. Like I think it's and I do think a couple of things matter. Okay, so I do think you want to cut the cake and present it so that it looks nice. You might even ice up the side of the cake that you've you've cut if you're using icing or something like that, I would certainly let someone know that like, you know, obviously I can't do a whole cake myself and I'm like, I would love to

00:40:33

Speaker 2: drop off half a cake or

00:40:35

Speaker 2: drop off my have a cake. But I think that in this exchange, what I love is that they had already given you like a plate from a meal. Like they didn't give you a whole roast, they didn't give you a whole steak, like, you know, you had a plate from a meal and I think that that that indicates you're in really good stead with this family already to be dropping off stuff like this. But

00:40:55

Speaker 2: what I love about the half a cake drop off is that people are often really grateful that you didn't drop off the whole cake and they are also really grateful for a surprise treat.

00:41:04

Speaker 2: And so I find that it works really well on both of those people don't want a ton of baked good around. But man, someone just give you cookie. It's like man I take a cookie that came my way. You know

00:41:17

Speaker 1: I'd take a half of one of your lemon cakes.

00:41:21

Speaker 1: Oh

00:41:21

Speaker 2: yes the lemon cake is a very good very good cake doesn't last as long as the chocolate cake. The chocolate cake. Two days later when I gave Andrea my other half of the chocolate cake I got the text

00:41:33

Speaker 1: back. Oh my gosh

00:41:35

Speaker 2: I just finished the cake and I ate all of it. I didn't even give any of it to jim her husband

00:41:41

Speaker 2: um her almost

00:41:43

Speaker 1: husband.

00:41:44

Speaker 2: Um But it was it was good because I'm going to keep bragging about my cake if you don't get us back to the etiquette here. Well,

00:41:53

Speaker 1: so let me flip the question on its head, is there a situation where you would not give half a cake? Give me an example of a counter situation,

00:42:02

Speaker 2: uh, if it wasn't a very good cake,

00:42:04

Speaker 2: I've had baking fails and I never try to dump a baking fail on someone else. I like that. I definitely wouldn't bring like half a cake if I was headed to a dinner party or any kind of party where I'm supposed to bring something, um I probably, I wouldn't bring the half a cake looking like a half a cake, at least I would do that thing where I then I use the whole thing, I present it so that you don't see a cut side, You know,

00:42:29

Speaker 2: and I don't mean presented as in like you turn the cake one way, is that like, I wouldn't,

00:42:34

Speaker 2: I wouldn't want to have to be in that position of looking like I was showing up with half a cake, you know, that I just happen to have sitting

00:42:40

Speaker 1: around at home.

00:42:41

Speaker 1: I was trying to imagine a situation where I wouldn't feel comfortable and yeah, it was things that would be like if I agreed to make the cake for a thing or some

00:42:50

Speaker 2: gosh, no, no, I would definitely not do it then, but I might do it. Like if you and pooch invited me up to the house for the afternoon just to come hang out.

00:42:59

Speaker 2: I would totally like pack up my half a cake and be like, hey guys, I had half a cake. Like I, I figured I might as well bring it either we can, we can do it or if you're trying to keep the girls off sugar, we cannot. But like,

00:43:10

Speaker 2: you know, I would definitely put it in that zone. Always nice when you do bring any kind of baked good or any kind of recipe over for someone is to include the ingredients just so that people do know what's in it. I think that's always really helpful. I wasn't sure how Andrea and jim felt about coconut and so I made sure to label the cake as a coconut cake so that they knew you know that that was in it.

00:43:31

Speaker 2: That's that's kind of the most etiquette I'm thinking of on this. Are there any other good points to highlight about the half the half cake, half baked, good delivery.

00:43:39

Speaker 1: There's one really important thing that we haven't covered

00:43:41

Speaker 2: yet. What's that?

00:43:42

Speaker 1: I haven't gotten an agreement from you to share your recipe for your perfect chocolate cake both within without coconut over on Patreon.

00:43:50

Speaker 2: I well okay, we'll start on facebook, I believe it is on the instagram somewhere but I will get that recipe back up there. It's so solid good. It's really good.

00:44:00

Speaker 2: And it's not one of those cake recipes where you have like four cups of flour in the cake. Like it's nice

00:44:08

Speaker 1: Brenda. Thank you so much for the question and thank you for giving me a chance to ask lizzie to share her cake

00:44:14

Speaker 2: recipe.

00:44:19

Speaker 1: Yeah,

00:44:20

Speaker 1: thank you for your questions. Please send us updates or feedback on our answers to awesome etiquette at Emily Post dot com.

00:44:27

Speaker 1: You can leave us a voicemail or text at 802858 kind. That's 8028585463 You can also reach us on social media on twitter. We are at Emily Post install on instagram, we are at Emily Post Institute and on facebook we are awesome etiquette.

00:44:44

Speaker 1: Just remember use the hashtag awesome etiquette with your post so that we know you want your question on the show.

00:44:53

Speaker 1: Mhm.

00:44:59

Speaker 2: If you love awesome etiquette and we hope you do please consider becoming a sustaining member by visiting us at patreon dot com slash awesome etiquette. You'll get an ads free version of the show and

00:45:11

Speaker 1: access recipe

00:45:13

Speaker 2: ah and okay, so

00:45:15

Speaker 2: you'll get an ads free version of the show, a chocolate recipe, access to bonus questions and content plus you'll feel great knowing that you helped keep awesome etiquette on the air. We really want to keep doing this show and we really hope you want to keep listening

00:45:32

Speaker 2: and to those of you who are already sustaining members. Thank you so much for your support and please don't forget to send us your questions.

00:45:40

Speaker 1: It's time for our feedback segment where we hear from you about the questions we answer in the topics we cover today we're hearing from lisa about peers sharing their success on social media. Hi Lizzie and dan. I wanted to share an idea with anonymous, a law student who is struggling with job searching and find social media posts from her peers about their job searching success to be demoralizing.

00:46:02

Speaker 1: I'm a seasoned attorney, but I remember well how difficult it is to find jobs in the legal field as a law student or new attorney.

00:46:09

Speaker 1: My suggestion is to turn these posts into a networking opportunity because networking is everything in the legal field.

00:46:17

Speaker 1: When you see a post about appears new job, write a heartfelt note or email of congratulations.

00:46:23

Speaker 1: You can conclude your note with a mention that you are still searching and would appreciate it. If your peer could let you know about any job opportunities that they learn about

00:46:31

Speaker 1: this contact could end up helping you find a position. But even if it doesn't, it's always good to spread positivity in the world, which is sure to come back to you

00:46:40

Speaker 1: best of luck. And I hope you enjoy the legal field as much as I have lisa.

00:46:45

Speaker 2: I love that lisa. Thank you so much for sharing

00:46:48

Speaker 2: lisa. That is

00:46:49

Speaker 1: awesome advice. I want to rope you in and use your feedback in my next business etiquette seminar.

00:46:55

Speaker 2: It's Lena. It's that whole like, you know, lean into etiquette as a tool. It's so that was really, really, really great. Really

00:47:02

Speaker 1: great. Thank you so much for sharing

00:47:04

Speaker 1: and thank you for sending us your thoughts and updates. Pleased to keep them coming. You can send your next feedback or update to awesome etiquette at Emily Post dot com. You can also leave us a voicemail or text at 802858 kind. That's 8028585463

00:47:26

Speaker 2: It's time for our post script segment where we dive deeper into a topic of etiquette and today we are going to talk about intergenerational manners in the workplace dan. We certainly got a big dose of this when we started at Emily Post with both, both of us having parents and an aunt at the institute

00:47:46

Speaker 1: and grandparents sitting on the board.

00:47:49

Speaker 2: That's true, that's true.

00:47:51

Speaker 1: Some of the next gen starting to run around under desks

00:47:55

Speaker 2: and then generations in between our family generations, there was also, you know like the crew of work

00:48:03

Speaker 2: workers that were like younger than our parents but older than us.

00:48:07

Speaker 1: Absolutely. It's been a lot of fun at the Emily Post Institute to watch this spring as more and more of our etiquette training and professional etiquette services are more in demand again

00:48:23

Speaker 1: and

00:48:24

Speaker 1: over the last week we had several clients that we're all interested in, sort of similar themes in in talking to staff and and teams about getting back to work.

00:48:34

Speaker 1: And one of those themes that was coming up was intergenerational expectations around manners particularly and workplace manners. But because I found myself talking about this with several different clients, I found myself thinking a lot about intergenerational manners and expectations generally and applying a lot of the stuff that you and I have learned

00:48:54

Speaker 1: as we thought about the maintenance of an etiquette tradition over generations to the particular problem of this moment where we've got as many as sometimes five generations working together in the workplace right now,

00:49:07

Speaker 2: which is a lot of different perspectives.

00:49:11

Speaker 1: It is and when I first started working at Emily Post about 12 years ago now, the question around

00:49:18

Speaker 1: um different generational expectations in the workplace was really a question of

00:49:23

Speaker 1: new and old in some ways, there was the generations that had come before the big tech revolution, the internet revolution, the email and

00:49:33

Speaker 1: website revolution and then the people that were more familiar with those environments or had grown up with that as an expectation of the work world.

00:49:41

Speaker 1: So there was a before and after around tech when people talked about intergenerational issues in the workplace

00:49:49

Speaker 1: and now

00:49:51

Speaker 1: we're starting to see another generational divide emerge as you start to have the X and Y generations occupying those positions of experience in the workplace and generation Z or

00:50:03

Speaker 1: a generation that some people refer to as digital natives are entering that workplace now. And it's been really interesting for me to see a new line that I see is one of the big separations and expectations between those generations that are already established, and the one that's arriving is one around privacy. And

00:50:23

Speaker 1: the question of how much of your life you're comfortable sharing and how you make decisions about

00:50:28

Speaker 1: the private time and space in your life and what you do publicly or professionally. And

00:50:34

Speaker 1: that question is influencing so many decisions that people make from what they choose to wear when they get up and go see each other, to how they speak, when they talk to each other, or what communication tools they use to communicate with each other,

00:50:49

Speaker 1: or even how much they're comfortable sharing on social media,

00:50:53

Speaker 2: dan. It makes a lot of sense. I mean, we've we've heard that question before, we've heard questions like it even on this show, and I think what's interesting is that when we first started hearing stuff for me, at least my first exposure was, as you mentioned in that sort of tech divide at work. And and the idea was that you try to, you know, uh, rather than force people to do one or the other way, try try and move in the direction that best suits the person you're trying to communicate with. You know what I mean? But I've been interested in the places where it's crossing over from both inter generationally and within your work first private life. That's what I feel like. One of the questions uh, on a recent episode was about,

00:51:37

Speaker 1: Yeah, and in many ways it's easier to answer the etiquette question about communication styles than it is to answer the etiquette question about, is this an appropriate thing to wear in a professional environment when my professional environments, my home environment at the same time, and where I

00:51:57

Speaker 1: draw those lines and make those distinctions is legitimately different than someone who is deciding what to wear to walk into an office in the morning. And at the same time, I'm also trying to manage professional expectations and it's not just the phone that brings the work life into my,

00:52:16

Speaker 1: the place that I live or my living space, but it's also the camera now. And how does that impact things. And I grew up with these cameras, I'm

00:52:23

Speaker 1: completely used to broadcasting from my bedroom kitchen or basement, whereas maybe somebody else that's a level of production that is new and feels kind of special

00:52:32

Speaker 2: or might feel anxiety driven where it's like, you know, before private life was really private and now you can see into my home, depending on how well I set myself up

00:52:42

Speaker 1: very personal.

00:52:44

Speaker 2: Could be really, could be really different feelings for sure

00:52:47

Speaker 1: and perspectives the questions of privacy and what's public and what's private impact. All of those places where as we've learned, writing the 20th edition of etiquette, manners change generationally very quickly. So expectations particularly around communication attire

00:53:06

Speaker 1: and believe it or not, social expectations around youth culture change pretty quickly. Also Emily noticed it in her day, she

00:53:14

Speaker 1: throughout the chaperone by the third edition. Um but I find that really plays in the work environment when you look at how people understand host and guest roles and sort of the degree of formal structure that you put around just welcoming someone or greeting them, whether it's into a physical office space or even into a virtual meeting space.

00:53:34

Speaker 2: So that's one, what are, what are some other examples and and which generations tend to do? What dan.

00:53:40

Speaker 1: Oh boy, we could go on and on and

00:53:43

Speaker 2: on

00:53:44

Speaker 2: one of this is our deep dive. You know, we get to

00:53:47

Speaker 1: it is and I would say the place where if I was to get the most granular and the most specific where I would say keep an eye out for this in your intergenerational workplace is how much texting is used to do work business.

00:54:03

Speaker 2: And

00:54:04

Speaker 1: there are all kinds of

00:54:06

Speaker 1: questions that start to arise when you start to do work via the phone, the convenience of it. The fact that people have those devices with them all the time and many people are programmed and are used to being really responsive on those devices

00:54:21

Speaker 1: makes it a really um appealing avenue or choice to make in terms of getting in touch with somebody.

00:54:27

Speaker 2: So technically dan is a gen xer and I am a millennial and I can say I am definitely more prone to wanting to

00:54:39

Speaker 2: run quick little business things like to you via text and you are definitely more prone to email or phone call. Like

00:54:46

Speaker 1: absolutely, I, as I'm teaching these seminars as I'm thinking about it, oh, I reflect on our,

00:54:53

Speaker 2: how we, how we do stuff

00:54:55

Speaker 1: and specifically I've identified myself as being right on that cusp of the end of generation X and yet

00:55:03

Speaker 1: a lot of my sensibilities fall squarely into the middle of that generation. If you want to look at their attributes, values, and assumptions that people make about them,

00:55:13

Speaker 1: they tend to apply pretty well to me. So yes, that's definitely one that I thought about myself, appeals and advantages, but let's map out just a couple of the problems that start to pop up for some people. Um I've given you my personal cell phone

00:55:28

Speaker 1: and I stopped responding to work stuff. Once I sit down with my family for dinner at 6 30 or seven o'clock, how do I respond to that text that comes in at 8 30? That is time sensitive and is important.

00:55:42

Speaker 1: So the the ability to separate yourself from that when it's important to you, the ability to set those boundaries starts to really become a technical problem.

00:55:53

Speaker 1: You could silence those alerts, you could turn the phone off.

00:55:56

Speaker 1: The person who's sending it may or may not know that.

00:55:59

Speaker 1: The question of the record of that communication is also something that's really important. I'm going to be late for a meeting. So I text the organizer to say I'm going to be five minutes late.

00:56:11

Speaker 1: Maybe they see it, Maybe they don't later on, I say, but I let you know I texted, I said I wouldn't be there. I never saw it.

00:56:18

Speaker 1: You're in trouble with their supervisor for not being there on time. There's no record of it. There's no email that you can point to to say I sent this at this time that we can all see and and share the distribution of that communication in a way that you can always track it where people have to follow multiple channels to know what's going on. We're not, Every channel includes every person.

00:56:41

Speaker 1: If you're not really comfortable in that space, it can be confusing and

00:56:46

Speaker 1: confusion is one of the biggest problems when we talk about

00:56:50

Speaker 1: manners that are functional for the workplace and social expectations that keep things working.

00:56:55

Speaker 2: Yeah, no, it just, it creates stress which we know creates rudeness, which creates more stress and it's a vicious cycle.

00:57:01

Speaker 1: And that's just one example that sort of the

00:57:03

Speaker 2: green down to negative rabbit hole, get us out of the negative rabbit hole. What are some of the tips that you've been talking about with folks

00:57:13

Speaker 2: um to help bridge

00:57:14

Speaker 1: these divides? So it's not something that you can ever fix necessarily. It's not like any organizations perfect or any organization is experienced so much pain and difficulty. They can't function. That's usually not the case when you talk about social cohesion and best practices. I think

00:57:33

Speaker 1: talking about these things just having some idea that there are multiple generations operating that they have different expectations that sometimes they have different goals and values that the things that unite you when you're working together. So the purpose or the work. Um but then also those larger values

00:57:53

Speaker 1: that are often shared consideration, respect honesty. Some that we identify on this show that we talk about

00:58:00

Speaker 1: provide that common ground that you can work from together.

00:58:04

Speaker 1: And then my sort of more specific manners advices pay particular attention to those manners that we talked about. The change generationally communication dress in attire and social expectations around youth culture. That if you keep your eye on those three particular areas of manners

00:58:22

Speaker 1: that changed the most frequently, you're gonna have a better sense of where you might run into those different social expectations that can bring that stress up.

00:58:29

Speaker 2: Well dan I won't text it to you but I will tell you since we are on the phone together that this is a great post script. Thank you so much for diving deep into this. I think that

00:58:40

Speaker 2: um first of all I know that you could go on for like another two hours and 45 minutes on this stuff because you do seminars based. But I do think it's, it's one of those things we don't always think about. once we all become adults, we kind of think we're all adults and really we are all adults still growing and maturing at different rates and and coming from different perspectives and places of impression. And

00:59:06

Speaker 2: I think that it's, it's a really, really good reminder for for how to work well with others.

00:59:11

Speaker 1: Well, it's a good point. And thank you for meeting me in the communication medium of my

00:59:16

Speaker 2: preference.

00:59:17

Speaker 1: Somewhere in this great land, there is a chance for you to make a living and lead a happy life. Americans have always

00:59:25

Speaker 2: made their own opportunity.

00:59:27

Speaker 1: It's up to you to make yours.

00:59:33

Speaker 2: Yeah,

00:59:35

Speaker 2: we like to end our show

00:59:36

Speaker 1: on a high note. So we turn to you to hear about the good etiquette you're seeing and experiencing out in the world and that can come in so many forms. Today we have a salute from Jessica.

00:59:45

Speaker 2: Hello, awesome etiquette. This salute is for my sister, Lynn leah.

00:59:51

Speaker 2: Even though we live thousands of miles apart, she still finds ways to connect and maintain our relationship. Often. I will find a little note in the mailbox, A small something will arrive at my door, a thank you note will come, a birthday or anniversary will be remembered or I'll receive a warm text or phone call.

01:00:09

Speaker 2: The effort she makes to stay connected means so much.

01:00:13

Speaker 2: In my younger years, I would have attributed this ability to connect with others as a gift she was born with. But as I have gotten older, I realize it is less a gift and more an intentional choice she has made and works to maintain

01:00:28

Speaker 2: Her effort and determination to connect and maintain relationships has prompted me to do the same and I am happier for it. So to my sister, thanks for being such a good example, Jessica,

01:00:41

Speaker 1: Jessica, Thank you for this salute. Thank you for being such a good example.

01:00:46

Speaker 2: I want to wrap my arm around

01:00:48

Speaker 1: the computer and hug this salute.

01:00:50

Speaker 2: Love great salute. It's a good flute.

01:00:53

Speaker 1: And if it's really nicely lizzie posed with the post script that we just did where you

01:00:58

Speaker 1: um reflected that there is a quality to adulthood that a lot of people view a static and that that's not necessarily true, that if we're fortunate, we continue to grow and evolve and change as people throughout our lives. And um I see that willingness to change and grow in

01:01:17

Speaker 1: Jessica's salute here and it just makes me feel good. Thank you,

01:01:20

Speaker 2: Jessica,

01:01:25

Speaker 2: thank you

01:01:26

Speaker 1: for listening and thank you to everyone who sent us something and everyone who supports us on Patreon,

01:01:31

Speaker 2: please connect with us and share this show with friends, family and co workers. And if you'd like to on social media,

01:01:38

Speaker 1: you can send us your next question feedback or salute by email, awesome etiquette at Emily Post dot com. You can leave us a message or text at 802858 kind. That's 8028585463

01:01:51

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01:02:06

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01:02:18

Speaker 1: Our show is edited by Chris Albertine. An assistant produced by Brigitte, Dowd.

01:02:22

Speaker 2: Thanks Kris and Brigitte.

01:02:26

Speaker 2: Mhm.

01:02:32

Speaker 2: Mhm