Episode 8: Tipping the Dog Walker

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Speaker 1: Maybe it's just that you don't know how to use social courtesy. That's old fashioned.

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Speaker 1: Watch. How is he

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Speaker 2: post and damn Post Act

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Speaker 1: as host and hostess.

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Speaker 1: They know that courtesy means showing respect, thinking of the other person. Really friendliness. Hello. Hello and welcome to another episode of awesome etiquette, part of the infinite guest network. I'm Lizzie Post,

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Speaker 2: and I'm damn post sending from the Emily Post Institute.

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Speaker 1: And today we're going to start off by talking about a topic a little close to home. Dan, you and Pooja have been making some wedding plans. We

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Speaker 2: have and for for a long time, listeners of the show you you've been with us from the start. In many ways. We we, uh we first introduced Pooja, my fiance, when we were talking about picking out a ring. And then we told the proposal story, I think episode three or four. Um, and things keep moving along. We're getting into the nitty gritty. Now we've

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Speaker 1: what I like Is that the first? The first couple weeks and I feel like a lot of couples do this. They say, No. I think we might just want to really small wedding just like our immediate family is this and I'm going, like, who just got a big family and you actually have a big family, too. I mean, not just the post side, but the sending side as well. And they're all close by. And so I was sitting here going, you know, having been through all of the engagement in all the relationship and all the ring shopping and everything was like, Wait, man, I don't get to go to the wedding. I started one of those first people

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Speaker 2: who I started Thio sense that from, and

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Speaker 1: I was like, Oh, okay, even though it's not about me, no, but it is. It's about

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Speaker 2: everybody done well, I'm starting to appreciate this more and more. It really is a community affair. And as I get to Nome or of Pooch's extended family, and we've had a couple of opportunities to do that now we had unengaged mint party weekend, where my nuclear family and her nuclear family spent the weekend together. Um, there was, and I was a little nervous about it, not so much because I knew all the major players I knew everybody were. I knew we were all good people.

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Speaker 1: E knew that we were all good people, like people were going to

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Speaker 2: be well behaved. It was and they were. But it was also it was a lot. It was a lot more fun than I ever imagined. You sort of you get a little stressed sometimes anticipating these things. But then the three event itself was comfortable and special, and it started to make me excited about maybe broadening that and inviting more people into that space.

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Speaker 1: It is having just gone through my sister's wedding. It is one of those things where it's it's such a part of the whole family, and it's something that, you know, I mean weird. Anna's wedding was in August and, you know, even last night at dinner, we're still talking about photos that just came out and everything. It is something that does bond a family. It's it's very unifying. It's very exciting, and I'm just really glad that you guys have decided to share it with the rest of us, because it is, it's It's one of the good things you're there with your family. I mean, we we lost both grandparent's within the past five years, and you've kind of been through that supportive but very difficult process of that. And this time it's like really nice to have the family supporting you through something that's a celebration

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Speaker 2: to celebration and and without losing the focus without really being on on committing to each other. And but But making that a special moment for everybody, um, so the nitty gritty,

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to hear a little bit

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Speaker 2: starting my assignment. I'll be traveling this next week while I'm traveling is to draft up my version of the guest list because we talked to the local church in Waterbury. We got some states that are possible on, and now it's coordinating those possible dates at the church with possible dates for the venues for reception. The reception is going to depend on the number, the total number where we can do it. So now we've got to get a rough idea of our guest list so that we can coordinate dates between church and reception.

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Speaker 1: You know, like are some of the dates in the spring or something you don't have to give exact date because I know you're not gonna want to share that,

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Speaker 2: but May June. Mayor June.

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Speaker 1: That's lovely. You guys wanted to spring wedding, and that's that spring in Vermont elsewhere. So it's even late May.

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Speaker 2: People were starting to warn us a little bit might still be cold. You might need the heaters may what we're finding very quickly. And your sister Anna warned me about this. She said that once you start getting into the plane, you start realizing why people do all the things that they did. Why the tradition is the tradition and the way it is, and a lot of it is has to do with really practical considerations. So

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Speaker 2: once we decided it wasn't just gonna be family and siblings in the backyard under a great barber thing, then it Then it starts to become a question of, Of all of those traditional questions, what is the venue gonna look like? How are you gonna get everybody fed? How is everybody going to sit down? Details. That air standard details?

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Speaker 1: Well, if you want, I do. I happen to know to people who have written a book on wedding etiquette that came out this year, and if you if you like that book on wedding etiquette, and the wedding planner that goes with it. I would be more than happy to get a copy of that to you and Prue. Jack, I really appreciate

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Speaker 2: that. You

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Speaker 1: know that that could be really helpful

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Speaker 2: at a time like this. Such a major life transition?

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Speaker 1: Well, it's gonna be exciting to hear more

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Speaker 2: about the wedding. And it would be really exciting this spring when we get to go to

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Speaker 1: it. And hopefully you all will be there with us a little bit along the way. And we would love to get to some of your questions.

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Speaker 2: Now we'll keep you

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Speaker 1: posted. Sure you're right. There's so much to learn how to dio. Sure, there's a lot to learn, but it's worth it on. Learning is easy. One way is by watching

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Speaker 2: others on every episode of awesome etiquette. We take your questions on how to behave.

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Speaker 1: So this question comes from Paul and I would like Thio formally admit that Paul is actually a friend of mine, who, when we first did our podcast, emailed me and said, I can't believe you're doing this. I'm so excited. I loved the first two podcasts and then sent in a question. So this question comes from my friend Paul in Southern California, he says. I'm currently working as a dog walker in Southern California. Occasionally, I will board dogs in my home or stay at a client's house and take care of their four legged babies. I work through company so I don't deal directly with any money. However, sometimes a client will directly tip me cash, and I have sent a thank you note to them. Sometimes I forget and feel bad, but than the moment passes. My question is, Do I need to send a thank you note for these types of tips? They happen throughout the year. But with the holidays approaching, I know tipping is a big issue, and I'm wondering what proper etiquette is when it comes to these types of thank you, notes. Paul, It is so wonderful to have you on the air with us. Thank you so much for having me. And how is sunny Southern California today? Oh, my gosh is beautiful. It's thinking a heat wave, but I will take that. I'm jealous.

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Speaker 2: I am so jealous, too. I can't tell you how much I loved my time. Just outside Los Angeles.

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Speaker 1: A nice shorts all year round E love it. So So you do you do dog walking and you've been receiving tips, And you know that the holiday season and holiday tipping is coming up. So you're starting to wonder about Thank you notes, right? Yes, Paul, we were wanting to ask

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Speaker 2: you just a quick follow up question for clarification. Uh, we were wondering if when you encounter these tips, whether people are actually

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Speaker 1: handing them to you

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Speaker 2: or is it more more likely that they leave an envelope or something in the home with the tip in it?

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Speaker 1: It's been both, like, sometimes they leave a little extra when I get there. Um and then sometimes I'll get an envelope afterward. Um, just saying, Oh, this is a thank you for taking such good care of whoever. Do they ever hand it to you directly, like when you're in person with, um or do you never wind up being in person with, um, um, no. Sometimes they do hand it in person, but it's never. It's always been like an envelope with a card, which I never open in front of them. I sort of just thanks. And then go on my way. Okay, So that being said, I think no matter what, you can always write a note. And you should always feel confident about writing a thank you note. I have never heard of someone who says, Wow, it was really inappropriate that you sent me that. Thank you know, it just really did me and can't be friends. No, but I do think that, um when you haven't been given the tip directly in person, that that's the time when it's really important to send the thank you note because it lets the the homeowners, the dog owners, know that you received the tip that it didn't fall on the floor and get lost or somehow didn't arrive to you. And it shows that you you are grateful for it and that that exchange was

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Speaker 2: appreciated. I I couldn't agree with that anymore. And let me also commend you on your thinking ahead about this. In so many ways, a tip is a thank you and thinking about thanking someone for a thank you Just show such exemplary forethought and and good behavior.

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Speaker 1: Um, and it is nice to thank them in

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Speaker 2: person and when you receive that tip. But that verbal, thank you is really enough. At some point, you don't need to thank for a thank you note or for thank you, tip. So the fact that you're thinking about it ahead of time and really going that extra mile is gonna make an impact. It's going to cement and build that relationship. And, like Lizzie said, if you haven't got it in person, just some little note to acknowledge that it was received can really put someone's mind at ease that that their gift has been received and well received at that.

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Speaker 1: Okay, perfect. So, yeah, have no fear. If it's in person, you do not have toe same or and if it's if it's not, if it was in an envelope, go ahead and send the note. I will. I will. Thank you for those four legged

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Speaker 2: friends. A scratch for

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Speaker 1: me. Thank you, Paul. Have a great day, You two guys. Bye. Thanks.

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Speaker 1: Our next

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Speaker 2: question comes from Victoria in Richmond.

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Speaker 2: She wonders.

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Speaker 1: I have a

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Speaker 2: question regarding wedding guest etiquette. We're having an intimate destination wedding in Florida with a very short guest list. We hope to have between 40 and 50 guests. Given the small number, we gave much thought to a very edited list. I'm starting to receive my r S V P cards for my upcoming wedding. Had a guest right in the name of her, plus one. To be clear. It is her roommate, not even a significant other or serious romantic date. To make matters worse, I don't particularly care for the company of this roommate either. I know you previously commented on drawing the line when family is or isn't invited, but I still feel confused as I have to confront this r S v p right in. Not just explain why there was no primary invitation.

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Speaker 1: This is tricky. Wedding guest list, as you're about to find out are really difficult topic

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Speaker 2: Inappropriate question. Yeah, right.

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Speaker 1: Um so the one thing I'm not entirely clear about when I hear this question, I think that she was given a plus one, and the bride just doesn't happen. Toe, like the person that got written in is the plus one. So if I look at it that way unfortunately, when you give somebody a plus one, you can't put parameters on it and they can bring a friend or, you know, even a casual acquaintance as much as they could bring a significant other that you didn't realize they were dating. So it's a shame that she chose somebody that you don't very much care for. But that's kind of the way it goes. And I would just let it go and realize that you probably aren't going to interact with this person that much during the wedding. You are gonna be really focused on your very close friends or your grandmother that maybe you don't see that often. It's it's a little bit one of those things where I say you opened it up. She went for it. It's totally legit. You kind of can't tell her. No, you can't bring that person. Um, if we if we talk about it where she didn't have a plus one and the guest wrote the name in. So

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Speaker 2: we're now imagining an R S V P card that didn't have a plus one indication or line on it, and someone's just jot it down.

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Speaker 1: Um, if if that is the case, then um, you could do it two ways. Um, either you can say Okay, some people didn't accept the invitation, and therefore there is room for this plus one. I'm not gonna make a stink about it. Or you could say, You know, I really I didn't give this person a plus one. I need to explain this to them and you would call her up and say, Listen, Jackie, I think there was a bit of a misunderstanding. I had intended the invitation to just be for you, and I noticed that you had written in, you know, your roommates name. Unfortunately, it's not something we're able to accommodate. That's why I hadn't given you a plus one to start with. And the only other way that I can read what's going on in this situation is that there's the second part of the question where she talks about I still feel confused as I have to confront this r S V. P right and not just explain why there was no primary invitation. I think she's worried about explaining to the roommate that she does know but doesn't particularly care for that. She wasn't invited to the wedding.

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Speaker 2: Didn't get the invitation independently to begin with.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, if I I don't think that you even have to go there. It's a small wedding. It is your choice. Unfortunately, some feathers are gonna be ruffled in these situations. But if you are closer to the one roommate than the other, it's just the way it goes. They happen to live together. That's a shame in your social circle for you. But

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Speaker 1: really, what can you dio? You're You're entitled to make your guest list as you see fit. And this was how you see fit. So I say, be confident in that

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Speaker 1: the last things to think out or just that writings air really difficult to deal with. Because no matter what, you kind of feel like

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Speaker 1: you're disappointing someone you're like. I didn't give you a plus one and you wrote it in. So now this is awkward. These air, the

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Speaker 2: challenges of putting together a guest list and and you do have to draw the line somewhere. And the only sort of concluding thought I have is that for those of you that air potential wedding guests out there, or potentially not wedding guests at a wedding, that you might think that you'd be invited to, um, the advice is always to remember not to take it personally or not to take it too personally know that is decisions are tough and people have to draw the line somewhere.

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Speaker 1: That is really, really important. And and just to deal with that, you're worried about confronting the roommate. As I said, You don't have Thio if you only have to contact the person who is actually invited. Um, and again, if you did give her that plus one, you opened up that can of worms. And now this is just going to be a guest at your wedding and embrace it and be glad that she'll be there celebrating as best you can.

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Speaker 2: Some some wedding traditions. They plan for a few extra guests. They just assume that a few extra people are going to show up. I

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Speaker 1: call that a tradition, but that actually does. That does happen, and you do want to think about it. But, uh, definitely. We hope that that that helps answer your question a couple different ways and

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Speaker 2: best of luck with the rest of your planning. I sympathize.

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Speaker 1: This next question comes from Lydia, she writes.

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Speaker 1: I enjoy entertaining at home, especially with close friends. One gentleman is quite overweight, so I sat him at the head of the table to give him a bit more room at my last dinner party. When the party ended, I noticed that the seat of the chair was broken and I had to have it fixed.

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Speaker 1: So what do I do the next time he comes over? I certainly don't want to embarrass him with, like, a heavy patio chair while everyone else is on in a dining room chair. But must I spend $175 to fix the chair each time he dines with us? If that's the only answer, then that's what I'll dio. But do you have any other options for me? Thanks for considering my question.

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Speaker 2: Oh, Lydia. Uh,

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Speaker 1: it's a tough one, right? I

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Speaker 2: am so sympathetic, and this is a

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Speaker 1: This is a

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Speaker 2: tricky etiquette question there. There are a lot of things at play here. I I dealt with a situation very similar myself. Not too long ago, um, I had inherited from my grandparent's a set of antique dining room chairs, and I love them. They're very special to me. Family heirlooms and he's not particularly overweight, just a big guy, and he sort of sits a little slouchy in his

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Speaker 1: chase. He's being a friend of yours. Yeah, exactly.

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Speaker 2: And he came over for dinner, and, um, I had to mention to him that these were new chairs, that they were very delicate antiques and their

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Speaker 1: new antiques. It's important

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Speaker 2: for me to take good care of them, and I appreciate it. He wouldn't lean back in his chair if he could really sit on it with all four legs on the floor that the chair wasn't going to support him if if he sat in it that way, this for my particular situation, just mentioning it right in the moment, asked him toe to stay aware of it was enough is long. As weight was distributed through all four legs, we were in good shape. It sounds like this might be a situation where it's an even more extreme example of that where

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Speaker 1: well, maybe he is sitting correctly. It's just the sheer weight of this gentleman is is putting strain on the chair.

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Speaker 2: Although my first question for our writer is, um, are we sure that that chair broke because of this person's weight is the type of chair really not going to sustain them? Or was this chair already on the edge? Was it already stressed? Store? Exactly. And maybe with that repair, that chair is now going to be ableto bear the weight. Sure, because

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Speaker 1: it doesn't sound like the chair literally smashed out from under him. It sounds like maybe a cracked or it e don't know. I don't know what type of chair we're dealing

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Speaker 2: with, but exactly So there's a chance that we might be in the clear already. Um,

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Speaker 1: just by having it fixed

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Speaker 2: exactly at the same time. Really Thinking ahead you wanna your goal in this situation is both tow. Avoid incurring a lot of cost, but also to help your friend avoid embarrassment. And I see that in the question in terms of not wanting toe single that person out by providing them with a different kind of chair, but also not wanting to put them in a position where their chairs disintegrating underneath. Um, when they sit down or the dining room table

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Speaker 1: not put you in the position of having to fix a chair for, you know, or if you bring in the next one, you know. So that's another thing she could do. She could switch the chairs so that the one that was just repaired and maybe is kind of the weak link in the chairs is, um, are out of the chairs. I should say is, you know, you give him another chair, try it out. If that one breaks again, then you move on to solution be which one way to handle this is you don't have to give just him a different chair. My parents have a whole second set of chairs for their dining room, and it's not. They don't match the set. Um, in fact, you know, when it's a really big dinner party, we straight go for, like, the folding chairs, you know, and and we have a set of those to bring out. But whatever it is, you know, whether it's it's something less expensive but still durable. Or, you know, if it's if it is that kind of folding chair, something that you can use and you may be set every other chair up as one of those so that he doesn't feel singled out. But you're not worried about You're nice antique or your nice dining room set chair potentially getting broken again.

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Speaker 2: You're talking about a solution somewhere in between patio chair and

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Speaker 1: yeah, and I agree. And I think I think the patio chair was probably her extreme example. But I agree that it would look awkward, and I think it's good that she's her instincts were right. Yes, that would feel singled out, but if you had and you don't have to have bringing all your patio chairs. But like I said, get another set of chairs. That's an easy one to set up that you know are durable that aren't terribly expensive and just alternate chairs at your dinner party. That

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Speaker 2: way you could even put just to new chairs at the head and end of the table, but so that they may they were coherent in terms of the organization of the dining room.

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Speaker 1: Sure, and that that's no matter what, as long as you haven't just given him that one chair, then you have the option, and guests don't feel like singled out, and I think that will be good

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Speaker 2: and bravo to you for entertaining, actually hosting dinner parties.

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Speaker 1: Good luck Lidio. We hope that's helpful.

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Speaker 1: Let's take another question. This one comes from an anonymous listener.

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Speaker 1: Hello. How to correct someone who looks their utensils or blows on soup puts their utensils on the table. Thanks. I think we can assume there are some questions in there about those topics. We've got a

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Speaker 2: list of some bad table manners behaviors that need addressing. Um, you know, the question of how to correct someone else's behavior is always incredibly tricky. Um, it's very difficult. Oftentimes the answer is, you don't have standing

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Speaker 1: unless it's like your own kids. And and that's

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Speaker 2: why a little more information is helpful because the relationship is really gonna matter in this situation. Your kids, you want to help him out. You want to give them the tools that they need, and you want to talk to them. Be very clear about what the expectations are that have expectations that are appropriate. Obviously, your toddler has a different set of expectations than your preteen or your team. We're going to expect to be using those adult behaviors. Um, if it's your spouse, you

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Speaker 1: might have

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Speaker 2: standing to bring it up. You might want to talk to them about it. This is a question we often get. My husband does X or my wife does. Accent drives me crazy. I've mentioned it. I've joked about it. It's still going on. What Doe ideo? It's time to escalate. You eat with this person every meal you care about them. You care about how they're perceived other places, and you probably do have standing to talk to them about it. But you want to approach it with some care with some sensitivity with some sympathy. Someone we're talking to you about something that was very personal, Um, and something that you do all the time. You would want someone to take some care before they asked you to change that. That aspect of yourself. Uh, if it's

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Speaker 1: someone that's not in your immediate

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Speaker 2: family. If it's not a grandchild child, a spouse or a close friend, do you care about and have an opportunity to really talk with them about this stuff? You might wanna swallow your words for just ah, one meal. Get through it, survive it and on groove on, because sometimes correcting someone else's behavior opens up a whole can of worms. That isn't a place that you wanna go. So

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Speaker 1: how would you though? If Because you're right. Obviously, if it's an acquaintance or there's someone you're only dining with once, you're not going to do it. But I'm guessing that this this writer probably does dine with this person regularly, so, you know, and we said humor can be effective, but sometimes it's not your best choice. So what? Like what? What kind of language would you use to start that conversation? Because, let's face it, eating is gross. And eso you kind of gotta do. And if you're going to dine with this person on a semi regular basis, like and clearly this the writer is upset about it, what do you dio

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Speaker 2: the co worker you have lunch with every day? You hear them chewing, um, know ahead of time. What? The thing is that you're gonna ask them to correct and maybe even have an idea about, um away away to address the behavior. So if you're gonna don't just say, Oh, you do this terribly. You give them the correction se, you know, could could you try to True with your mouth closed, I can hear everything, or I can see everything I

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Speaker 1: would. I think that's a little harsh. That's definitely

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Speaker 2: a little harsh. But that's the example of the particular thing to correct. And you want to keep it to something particular. You don't want to just say to someone I can't stand the way. You okay? You want to talk about the particular behavior or offensive act so that they know what it is that you're talking about? They can address it. Maybe you don't tell them how. Maybe you don't say chew with your mouth closed. But if you tell someone you know I can hear everything when you chew, you might. You probably want to know that, Um, although that's again getting a little direct.

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Speaker 1: So they're talking about licks their utensils, blows on soup and puts their used utensils on the table.

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Speaker 1: That's three different things.

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Speaker 2: Used utensils on the table. I might bring up in that it makes a mess for someone else to clean. That might be if you talk about the reason why you find that strange, um, it might help someone make the choice for themselves not to do it, um,

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Speaker 1: blowing on soup. To me, that's are they blowing on it

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Speaker 2: in the bowl. Are they blowing it on their spoon?

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Speaker 1: I think's like a safety thing that zehaf Trump's etiquette. And while

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Speaker 2: I wouldn't make a big production out of blowing on my suit, blowing on it a little bit too cool it before you put it in your mouth, I don't find so, so tired. I know there are people out there that are going to say, Oh, never, never. Not in a million years. Never. Um, if I'm in a really formal dining situation, if I'm following the lead of the Queen of England, I might not blow on my suit. But

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Speaker 2: eso that's when I might not choose to address with someone else. As for licking the Silver Boy,

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Speaker 2: making a production out of licking the silver is is pretty outlandish table behavior. Um,

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Speaker 2: it's a tough boy. It's It's hard for me to imagine correcting someone else at the table to think of good language for doing that.

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Speaker 1: Okay, well, eso try this on for size, then that things I would think about that I'm only going to bring it up if I'm the only one present with this person because I don't want it like if you and I are dining to I don't want to embarrass you in front of our other coworkers or in front of other family members or friends. So on. And and rather than make it so serious, as I'd really like to talk to you about something later, you know what I mean, which could also make someone feel really uncomfortable. This is one of those things where in the moment when it's just the two of you actually think that is an okay time to bring it up. And I might start with saying something like,

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Speaker 1: You know, if the tables were turned, I would I would want you to tell me if if I was doing something that maybe I wasn't really thinking about. And I'm not sure if you realize that you often are really like licking your silverware after you do it, and it's okay, you know, just toe to pull the fork out of your mouth and and let your lips, you know, pull the food off of it. But to kind of look it like a lollypop, maybe isn't what we're going for at the table with other people around you. know, that's like maybe a comfort of eating on your own type

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Speaker 2: of thing. And for the record, looking your knife at the table is one of those etiquette. No nose.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, its's. Depending on what kind of knife it is, could be pretty dangerous, right? Um, but so that, you know, it might also be like you've got this scholar has a has a list or this listener has a list of things, and I know that I could feel pretty like, Whoa, I do a lot of bad stuff like, Are you really? I feel really judged that you're sort of feel like you were nit picking, like, four or five different things or three or four different things. And it might be good to kind of just talk about one at a time and maybe over the course of like, ah month or two. Kind of space it out just so that they don't feel like you're kind of attacking all of their skills together at once.

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Speaker 2: It is. It is a personal thing, how we eat. Oftentimes we're not thinking about it. And it could definitely feel like someone's really stepping in tow to Ah, very personal space or territory when they start talking to you about how you

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Anonymous. I hope that that gives you some some kind of guidance and that you pick your battles. But you also get to enjoy your time at the table with this person. Good luck. You hear that? She says you're not as ruedas you used to be. Oh, thanks

00:27:13

Speaker 2: to everyone for sending in your questions,

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Speaker 1: you can submit your question toe awesome etiquette at Emily post dot com.

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Speaker 2: You can also send them in B A. Facebook and Twitter. Just use the hashtag awesome etiquette. So we know that you wanted on the

00:27:25

Speaker 1: ship.

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Speaker 1: Wait,

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Speaker 1: come on.

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Speaker 1: This week's etiquette topic is one of my favorites that my dear cousin has taught me. And I'm gonna let him tell you all about the platinum rule verse, the Golden

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Speaker 2: Rule. So sometimes when we start our trainings Well, uh, begin with a room full of people will play a word association game. And I want to play that game a little bit with our listeners. Right now. When I say the word etiquette, what's the first thing that pops into your mind?

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Speaker 2: Okay, so everyone thought of something you can't say the word pink elephant without something popping into your mind or the word chocolate without some. When I say the word etiquette, people have all kinds of associations, from grandma to fork to Pinky's in the air.

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Speaker 1: One of the

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Speaker 2: things that I hear very, very frequently is the golden rule or treat other people the way you would want to be treated. It's it's what many people identify us, the heart of etiquette, and it's It's absolutely true that that's that's a major component of the etiquette that we teach the Emily Post Institute. And I recently learned, um, from another trainer, Dr Alexandra, the idea of the platinum rule, and I heard it through other sources. I heard it from a pastor. I was on a radio panel with. The idea behind the platinum rule is that you don't just treat other people the way you would want to be treated, but you treat other people the way they would want to be treated. And the idea is that an increasingly diverse and complex world it's not enough to just apply your standards to everybody that you meet that you really have to make an effort to think about where other people are coming from. You have to take into account other people's perspectives and backgrounds when you're thinking about how to treat them. And I love that the platinum rule, uh, really evokes the sense of the evolution. It's, Ah, rule with real value, like the Golden Rule and and to me, it really starts to get toe to the heart of etiquette in today's increasingly complex world, where it's it's critical that we think about other people. But we don't just say, you know I'm gonna treat other people the way I would want to be treated. I'm gonna treat them the way they would want to be treated. You make that effort to put yourself in their shoes.

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Speaker 2: So that's the platinum rule. So thank you, Thio. The people that passed it along and thank you to Dr Alexandra for for coining the term and and really putting it out there with some vigor.

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Speaker 1: And hopefully you'll be able to live by the platinum

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Speaker 2: rule. Indeed, and we'll know we've done our job when I play a word association game someday, and someone comes up with the platinum rule

00:30:06

Speaker 1: doing the best I can.

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Speaker 1: You're the best I can.

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Speaker 1: I'm only a man.

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Speaker 1: My life has been empty.

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Speaker 1: So our etiquette salute today comes, um, actually from the news er website and Shelley Hazan wrote a story entitled Granny Sends Thank you. Note to officer for ticket, and I'm going to read the story. You know, giving stickers and toys. Sheriff badges to a Seattle woman's grandkids earned one Idaho State trooper Ah, heartfelt thank you note, even though he gave the woman a speeding ticket. Kids are always really inquisitive when the guy with the big hat walks up to their car on the side of the highway, so sometimes they are a little nervous. Trooper Mike Nelson tells K B O I. So he says he likes to treat kids like he treat his own family and put them at ease. Nielsen pulled over their grandmother, Tanya, bomb Lor for driving 95 miles an hour in a 75 mile an hour zone. She was on her way to Yellowstone National Park. Later, while she wrote the check for the $150 ticket her lead foot had earned her, she wrote a little note to the Idaho State Police. Commending the friendly trooper and saying that he made the incident a good experience for my grandchildren. She also joked that he gave her some sticker shock to. But this is exactly the kind of thing that you can dio, Um, and it really is. It's a lovely, very small way to acknowledge good deeds and good etiquette out in the world.

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Speaker 1: So Shelly Hazan,

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Speaker 2: thank you for sharing that story brought vote

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Speaker 1: Well, now, wasn't that better? Look at the effect of a little politeness Z. That's our show for today. Thank you so much for listening.

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Speaker 2: You can send your questions, etiquette salutes or suggestions for the show. Tow awesome etiquette at Emily post dot com.

00:31:58

Speaker 1: And if you like what you hear, you can subscribe on iTunes and leave us a review. We love your feedback.

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Speaker 2: You can find us on Facebook at the Emily Post Institute on Twitter. I'm at Daniel Underscore Post,

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Speaker 1: and I'm at Lizzie a Post. If you do find us on Facebook and Twitter and you want to post a question, please use the hashtag awesome etiquette so that we know that your question wants to appear on the

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Speaker 2: show. You can also reach us by email at Awesome Etiquette at Emily Post com.

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Speaker 1: Our theme music was composed and performed by Bob Wagner.

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Speaker 2: Awesome Etiquette is produced in collaboration with Vermont Public Radio. Mhm.

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Speaker 2: This is awesome etiquette, part of the infinite guest network from American Public media.

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Speaker 1: Don't forget to check out one of our sibling podcast, Reasonably sound, hosted by Mike Rig Netta, who leads us through the wide world of sound. He's just gotten episode out on why we hate the sound of our own voice. And as to podcasters, Dan and I will definitely be listening. We hope that you join us over at infinite guest dot org's.